I’ve been sober for quite some time. Aug 10, 2014 I woke up knowing I could never drink again. And I haven’t.

I think about and can go back into the brain I had. I can feel all the heartsick and pain. All the ways I let the world torture me… how I tortured myself. It feels like a lifetime ago but it’s like a neighbor next door that I can visit with on occasion. So close and never far away. A reminder of how much I have accomplished. And why I can never drink again. Not even a little.

I was listening to NF this morning on my way to work and this poem came out. I’m glad I don’t live in a world were I have to run from my brain anymore.

Heart slipping happy drinking overrated

Feels like my emotions are being saturated

Time to scour every nook and cranny now

Steal every penny found so I can’t cry now

Laying here in my pj’s and my lumpy couch

Syringes on the floor dripping so very loud

Haven’t done enough to be decimated

Only near enough to be under estimated

La la la la la go the notes in my head

Over and over again until they feel dead

Grab a shovel so we can bury them

Hurry up before they come alive again

Start to feel and cry and hurt again

Such a long way to go just to say goodbye

But here we are again looking for numb again