I’ve been sober for quite some time. Aug 10, 2014 I woke up knowing I could never drink again. And I haven’t.
I think about and can go back into the brain I had. I can feel all the heartsick and pain. All the ways I let the world torture me… how I tortured myself. It feels like a lifetime ago but it’s like a neighbor next door that I can visit with on occasion. So close and never far away. A reminder of how much I have accomplished. And why I can never drink again. Not even a little.
I was listening to NF this morning on my way to work and this poem came out. I’m glad I don’t live in a world were I have to run from my brain anymore.
Heart slipping happy drinking overrated
Feels like my emotions are being saturated
Time to scour every nook and cranny now
Steal every penny found so I can’t cry now
Laying here in my pj’s and my lumpy couch
Syringes on the floor dripping so very loud
Haven’t done enough to be decimated
Only near enough to be under estimated
La la la la la go the notes in my head
Over and over again until they feel dead
Grab a shovel so we can bury them
Hurry up before they come alive again
Start to feel and cry and hurt again
Such a long way to go just to say goodbye
But here we are again looking for numb again