A THING I’D LIKE TO HIDE

My boss has walked in on me more than a few times to catch me ugly cry. He walks in and I smile… as of smiling will distract him from seeing the tears. It’s an automatic reflex. To hide my pain. I don’t cry as often these days. I try hard to take care of…

MY DIAMOND CAVE

It’s safe here in this space My beautiful diamond cave If my tears had fears I could shout, let it all out There is no day or night No open or closed signs No neon flashing arrows Just hard, strong walls Built from my own strength My own failures My own victories. No God or…

THE REASON WHY

The universe inhales Inside my brain The tiny moon And all the planets Float like dust Inside a vacuum Created and uncreated With every idea Every thought And still their existence Feels infinite

NO GAURANTEES

You can be made from stone And you might still crumble You can be made of songs And you might miss a beat You can be made of poetry And you might lose the words You can be made of color And you might be in the dark There are no guarantees None

FROM THE DARK

It’s hard To sit in the dark Surrounded By old feelings To let them Materialize brand new To be searched Yet again To be picked apart To be analyzed It’s hard To face your trauma To feel it To listen to it But this time You get to speak Here in this dark The doors…

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE END

There is an edge To my sorrows I dare not trust Like a creaky bridge It sways precariously With each step I take Like a dark tunnel Promising monsters Where the silence Eats your screams Or a high ledge That is crumbling Beneath your feet And I know If I get close enough If I…

YESTERDAY’S ALTER

When finally, finally I had opened my eyes I could feel the spiders scurry from their webs And cockroaches who had thought me dead Scuttled frantically from under my bones I felt like a pile of sawdust waiting for the wind To come along and sweep me into a hurricane Back into the chaos from…

MEASURING GROWTH

Every year, about this time, I start falling hopelessly into a past that nearly killed me. 2011 was the year I turned 40. It was a pretty strange year in that I was a totally different person than I had been previously. I had lost 100 lbs and had made lots of new friends. It’s…

LIVING IS A CHOICE

Living is a choice Every single time And it’s been awhile Since I imagined death I wanted to know How the water would feel If I breathed it in I’ve heard it hurts But only for a moment And then I wondered If it would matter If it would hurt anyone And I couldn’t imagine…