MEASURING GROWTH

Every year, about this time, I start falling hopelessly into a past that nearly killed me. 2011 was the year I turned 40. It was a pretty strange year in that I was a totally different person than I had been previously. I had lost 100 lbs and had made lots of new friends. It’s…

LIVING IS A CHOICE

Living is a choice Every single time And it’s been awhile Since I imagined death I wanted to know How the water would feel If I breathed it in I’ve heard it hurts But only for a moment And then I wondered If it would matter If it would hurt anyone And I couldn’t imagine…

THE CLOCK ON THE WALL

I really feel this one today even though I wrote it years ago. The clock on the wallSpins faster these daysIt has slowly sped upAs each day comes to callAnd each night hardly staysI swear it’s true… shhhhJust listenAs the tick tick tickMoves steadily onAs echoes migrateFrom an underwater pastTo the surface of nowA million…

THE PAIN OF PERFECTION

I realized recently much of my anxiety was attached to a feeling that I needed to be perfect. Act perfectly in all things. I know logically there is no such thing. I mean I KNOW that. But I don’t think my heart ever got that message. I must execute plans perfectly. I must do exactly…

ALL THE SHADE

I’m a big fan of black and white photography. Landscapes and portraits. It’s simple and yet a complex mix of shade, of brightness and hues. When it comes to experiences black and white just won’t do. I want bold and soft. Pastel and neon. I want to live in a world full of colorful personalities,…

A Trauma Dad Post

When Your Dad Tries to Kill You I hope you read the post above. Byron can also be found writing on Vocal.com. From the moment I met Byron I liked him. He had a good heart and I didn’t need much more than words on a piece of paper to know that. He started out…

GRRR… JUST EAT BETTER

You know what is annoying? When someone says they have a problem and the response is “just eat better and exercise”. I have a headache.I have depression.I broke my ankle.I have arthritis.I have cancer.I was born with diabetes. “Just eat better and exercise.” Everytime a medical journal posts new findings about a disorder or disease…

THE OTHER TERROR

I remember reading the passage below when I was suffering from depression and thinking how perfectly it described how I felt in the darkest moment of my life. There are terrors you can’t see. I didn’t understand depression until I had it. I had to come face to face with that unseen terror. And it’s…

ASK FOR IT

I feel like this sometimes. It’s lack of sleep. It’s a butt load of disappointments piling up. It’s a whole lot of tired mind and tired body. And a little bit of self-destruction saying “why try” and “why do you think you deserve good things?” Reality is…. everything is fine when I feel this way.…