I’m a big fan of honesty.  I think if we hurt we should speak.  We shouldn’t suffer in silence.  But I have learned, over and over again, not every feeling or emotion needs to see the light of day in order for us to heal.  In fact, voicing certain feelings can be harmful to other people as well as to ourselves.  Especially those feelings you might be blaming somebody else for.

Give yourself time to think about what is hurting you.  I have a tendency of saying how I feel when I am in a triggered state.  I am emotionally bulimic.  All too often I am vomiting emotions I should be giving myself time to digest.

I think most of us have said things that “we didn’t mean”, or in the context of any given situation we would not have said had we understood things more clearly.   Letting our words fly when we are triggered or highly emotional can be damaging.

I am not saying don’t speak and try to communicate when you are grieving, feeling shame, or really need someone to listen.  But be sure the person you are talking to is trustworthy.  The last thing you need is someone backbiting about you when you are struggling.  What I am saying is when you are dealing with strong emotions like anger, jealousy, or disgust it is often best to wait to communicate once you’ve found some clarity.  Many times those feelings will resolve themselves naturally.

Think hard before
You speak your truth
Especially feelings
That could
Maybe and
Very essentially possibly
Be grounded in fantasy
Pure fictional
Because sometimes
Lies will twist themselves
Into your reality
And if you give them life
These fantastical demons
You’ll have to live with them
And if you live with them
You’ll have to sleep with them
They’ll chew you up and
They’ll devour you
Night after night
Dream after dream
They will taint your morrow
And splinter all your bones
Turning what was sweet
Into a whole lot of sour
And you’ll try to spit them
Back into the darkness
But it’ll be too late
Because remember
You gave life to them
And then you’ll crumble
And probably cower too
Under the weight of them
While they march around
Trying to deflower you
You’ll regret your choice
To set them free
And you’ll try to hide them
Write it off as a moment
Of spontaneous insanity
You’ll dress them up
Masquerade them
Like puppets on stage
Let them sing
Do Ra Mi or some shit
While you die a little bit
Strangling and suffocating
Under ever single outfit
You’ll pretend a lot
Sign your name away
On every pretty dot
But in the end
Not even Cocaine
Or a Vodka tonic
Will chase those demons
Back to the moment
You spoke life into them

16 thoughts on “EMOTIONAL VOMIT

  1. As old a speech itself, even, according to some before the Creation and the Word that called a universe into being, and in traditions of magic using words to cast a spell, and the power of naming, or reciting prayers and affirmations. What we speak does create and alter our realities. The consequences of a careless word have fueled many a drama in life and art. Beautifully spoken, Hasty.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Once again, you wrote the words my aching soul was screaming this entire weekend. My mood cycle is on a fast downward spiral with depression rushing up to meet me with open, familiar arms. As soon as this started however, my beau decided it would be a good idea to pick a fight for no real reason other than he is tired of my “being me”… words were yelled, truth was set free… and now I do not know whether I even want to repair what he broke.

    Liked by 2 people

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