So many things I miss about you

Your energy was always so high

You loved movement, dancing

You were a literal musical

Everything you did was intense

A grand white whirlwind

Sucking everyone up

But then….

You’d spit them out

The thing about whirlwinds

Is that they can become tornados

Leaving devastation behind

And I don’t miss that

I’ll never miss that

So while I miss things about you

I don’t… won’t miss you

Sometimes you don’t see how abused you were until you find your way out of the abuse. Sometimes I ask myself how the hell I survived. How was there anything left of the real me to grow back?

I think I was becoming an abuser too. Just by staying to participate. I made the excuse I was defending myself when I screamed and cried… but we make choices. And we can leave or we can stay and keep defending ourselves (fighting). It’s hard to let go of the world you’re in when it’s all you know.

I did let go though. I built a rocket ship and left the whole planet. Found a new place where I could grow myself back. One really slow hard day at a time I dismantled the person they created and built myself back. And I say they because it seems some of us find ourselves in a community (an entire planet) of abusers.

If you are living on the wrong planet surrounded by people who don’t bring out the best in you and foster your growth then build a space ship and find another planet. There are so many to choose from.

Sometimes all that stands in your way of being a better person is the people you surround yourself with. I escaped chaos and found peace outside of abuse.