Growing absence.

“It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” ~John Steinbeck

Whether you have lost someone to death, divorce, or just an irreconcilable argument this sentiment holds true if there was ever an ounce of love or light in the relationship.

To be present in the moment inevitably leads to the occasional pain of absence. Some moments are so beautiful they will knock you out of your future presents and you’ll feel the loss of that beauty deeply. It’ll hurt.

Many times we don’t notice or think about the light. The warmth, the comfort, the beauty of it. Until it’s gone and we realize it left a dark spot. Life leaves us with dark spots and we have to navigate them. We have to incorporate them. Because without some light there would be no spots to notice. There is no growing absence without the connection to love.

So I sit here thinking of the growing absence inside me. The loneliness. The dark spots created by those once loved and gone.

I’m happy my life has been fertile soil for those losses. I have loved. I have been loved. And the absence I feel is the proof.

7 thoughts on “GROWING ABSENCE

  1. Feeling that truth, a poem cannot but come to mind:

    In Memoriam A. H. H. OBIIT MDCCCXXXIII: 27
    By Alfred, Lord Tennyson

    I envy not in any moods
    The captive void of noble rage,
    The linnet born within the cage,
    That never knew the summer woods:

    I envy not the beast that takes
    His license in the field of time,
    Unfetter’d by the sense of crime,
    To whom a conscience never wakes;

    Nor, what may count itself as blest,
    The heart that never plighted troth
    But stagnates in the weeds of sloth;
    Nor any want-begotten rest.

    I hold it true, whate’er befall;
    I feel it, when I sorrow most;
    ‘Tis better to have loved and lost
    Than never to have loved at all.

    Liked by 2 people

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