GROWING ABSENCE

Growing absence. “It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” ~John Steinbeck Whether you have lost someone to death, divorce, or just an irreconcilable argument this sentiment holds true if there was ever an ounce of love or light in the relationship. To be…

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE END

There is an edge To my sorrows I dare not trust Like a creaky bridge It sways precariously With each step I take Like a dark tunnel Promising monsters Where the silence Eats your screams Or a high ledge That is crumbling Beneath your feet And I know If I get close enough If I…

MEASURING GROWTH

Every year, about this time, I start falling hopelessly into a past that nearly killed me. 2011 was the year I turned 40. It was a pretty strange year in that I was a totally different person than I had been previously. I had lost 100 lbs and had made lots of new friends. It’s…

LIVING IS A CHOICE

Living is a choice Every single time And it’s been awhile Since I imagined death I wanted to know How the water would feel If I breathed it in I’ve heard it hurts But only for a moment And then I wondered If it would matter If it would hurt anyone And I couldn’t imagine…

THE CLOCK ON THE WALL

I really feel this one today even though I wrote it years ago. The clock on the wallSpins faster these daysIt has slowly sped upAs each day comes to callAnd each night hardly staysI swear it’s true… shhhhJust listenAs the tick tick tickMoves steadily onAs echoes migrateFrom an underwater pastTo the surface of nowA million…

THE PAIN OF PERFECTION

I realized recently much of my anxiety was attached to a feeling that I needed to be perfect. Act perfectly in all things. I know logically there is no such thing. I mean I KNOW that. But I don’t think my heart ever got that message. I must execute plans perfectly. I must do exactly…

IT’S THE JOURNEY

There is a moment when you realize that your journey is yours. That moment is different for everyone. That moment for me was when I needed brain surgery. They say life flashes before your eyes when you are faced with the possibility of no tomorrow. And though we all face that possibility every second… rarely…

GRRR… JUST EAT BETTER

You know what is annoying? When someone says they have a problem and the response is “just eat better and exercise”. I have a headache.I have depression.I broke my ankle.I have arthritis.I have cancer.I was born with diabetes. “Just eat better and exercise.” Everytime a medical journal posts new findings about a disorder or disease…