THE IN CROWD

I look around at all the people who have made me feel unimportant and the crowd never gets smaller. And it never will. They have taken my smiles and put them in a pocket stuffed with their crumpled up receipts and mostly chewed gum wads. They’ve stolen my words and my deeds and gave them…

STANDING BACK

Sometimes you just have to stand back, take a few big breaths, and refocus on the world around you. I think sometimes everything feels too tight, too set, too closed in. Feelings of being penned into a corner, and like there are only a few choices can be stifling. The world is so big. So…

MENTAL ENERGY

I decided a few things. Settled a few things about myself I’d been struggling with. Mainly little things that have caused far too much anxiety. So… I let go. I let go of all the hopes and dreams and opened a mental bank account for the energy I spent on them. I’ll use that energy…

THE SHADOWS

There is this little shadow that lurks inside the light. Like an impossible shadow that shouldn’t exist because of all the light. It carries with it energy and it looks for thoughts it can eat so it can grow. It likes negative thoughts the most but it can sustain itself on little frustrating or nagging…

LOVELY DAY

Today doesn’t feel like a lovely day but there are people who put lovely things into the world. Bill Withers passed away. He wrote so many beautiful and inspiring songs. Instead of writing my own words I’ll borrow a song from him today. When I wake up in the morning, loveAnd the sunlight hurts my…

BLUE SKIES

I’m depressed today. It feels cold…maybe because of the rain but maybe not. Maybe it’s just because we have a lot more to worry about. If we don’t manage our worries and anxiety it’ll cause depression. At a time when so many are facing economic uncertainty, health worries, and possible life and death decisions I…

IGNORANCE IS DANGEROUS

As much as I’ve read and as much as I’ve dealt with my own situation I’m still shocked at how certain things will trigger me. Each time I’m telling myself to just get over it already. Yes, as a victim I tell myself that. I’m ashamed and infuriated that some things still attack the parts…

IT’S A MATTER OF LIFE

I remember the exact moment it felt like everything in my life changed. It was like a strange shift. A falling through floors. As if destiny was reaching out urging me to take its hand. To be honest, that night was blurry as though I wasn’t in my right mind or had too much to…

IF NOT WORDS

    I started writing over a decade ago. Just started this blog one day and started writing. No game plan other than to write. I was tired of trying to drown my thoughts out with music. Tired of trying to explain how torturous my thoughts were to those close to me. Tired of feeling…

DANGEROUS FALSE NARRATIVES

When I was a little girl I remember reading about the Great Depression. Reading the Grapes of Wrath was the first time I’d heard about poverty. Everything I knew about the poor started there. Later I learned that it was Black Monday that kicked off the Great Depression. Men jumped out of windows because the…