A THING I’D LIKE TO HIDE

My boss has walked in on me more than a few times to catch me ugly cry. He walks in and I smile… as of smiling will distract him from seeing the tears. It’s an automatic reflex. To hide my pain. I don’t cry as often these days. I try hard to take care of…

NO VITALS

Maybe the words won’t flow There is no waterfall No marching syllables Maybe the sigh doesn’t come There is no gentle breeze No soft release of air Maybe the eyes can’t see There is no rising sun No focused images Maybe there is no beat There is no thunder No vital signs

GROWING ABSENCE

Growing absence. “It’s so much darker when a light goes out than it would have been if it had never shone.” ~John Steinbeck Whether you have lost someone to death, divorce, or just an irreconcilable argument this sentiment holds true if there was ever an ounce of love or light in the relationship. To be…

THE PAIN OF PERFECTION

I realized recently much of my anxiety was attached to a feeling that I needed to be perfect. Act perfectly in all things. I know logically there is no such thing. I mean I KNOW that. But I don’t think my heart ever got that message. I must execute plans perfectly. I must do exactly…

THE OTHER TERROR

I remember reading the passage below when I was suffering from depression and thinking how perfectly it described how I felt in the darkest moment of my life. There are terrors you can’t see. I didn’t understand depression until I had it. I had to come face to face with that unseen terror. And it’s…

FEED YOURSELF SKY

There are people who never learn to look forward. Past themselves. Past their own desires. Sacrifice is a word they’ve assigned false meaning to. They blame others for their failures. And even when they do blame themselves they desperately need someone else to do the work to save them. They seek to garner sympathy for…

DEPRESSION

It rests upon me A silent partner Waiting to choke The life out of me The part of the dark Reaching out The part of pain Leaving a mark It is the thudding Sitting in my chest It is the breaking in It is the flooding It is the taking over

WORTHless

It’s reality My perspective It’s dangerous It’s painful It’s persistent My heart Is silent My brain Is chaotic My life feels MEANINGless My efforts feel WORTHless