I’m depressed today. It feels cold…maybe because of the rain but maybe not. Maybe it’s just because we have a lot more to worry about. If we don’t manage our worries and anxiety it’ll cause depression.

At a time when so many are facing economic uncertainty, health worries, and possible life and death decisions I am sitting here thinking about how useless, horrible, and a total waste my feelings and thoughts are. Chastising myself for even wanting, for one moment, to be heard, felt, or understood. How dare I even care at a moment such as this about how I feel.

Talk about feelings of guilt. I feel and think so many things but… I’ve learned to act beyond those things. Beyond my emotions. And it is so hard.

I do things. I contribute. I have a daughter I am raising. I have people who depend on me. I have so much to be thankful for and my existence does not depend on how my brain decides to torture me today. I avoid absorbing things my brain will use against me. I spend my time feeding myself positivity. Looking for joy. It doesn’t always work but sometimes it does. Those times are worth it.

Just because I feel broken and useless doesn’t mean I am broken and useless. It’s important to remember you are part of a bigger world than the one your brain creates. I may not feel joy or love the way someone without depression does but every now and then I enjoy a blue sky too.