As much as I’ve read and as much as I’ve dealt with my own situation I’m still shocked at how certain things will trigger me. Each time I’m telling myself to just get over it already. Yes, as a victim I tell myself that.
I’m ashamed and infuriated that some things still attack the parts of me that dump a crap load of adrenaline into my system and shut my brain and my heart down for days.
It’s not even the act of unwanted sex it’s the emotional damage that kind of violence does. It’s that complete loss of choice, of control. There isn’t one part of who you are that can forget that.
It’s not a 5 minute act, it’s a moment branded with fire into your soul.
I tell myself I’m lucky that it wasn’t worse. That so many people have much worse happen. But trauma of any kind is not “lucky” it’s awful. It’s something awful that has happened and it’s your job to learn from it, from yourself, and find a way to…. live despite it. And if you are “lucky” you’ll save some people from the same fate.
Ignorance is dangerous as this article discusses. Breaking through that ignorance is hard. I’m still breaking through mine because part of me believes I deserved it. I didn’t. Communication is imperative.