EMOTIONAL BONDAGE

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He captured me and held me before I even knew to struggle. 

He held me enslaved inside words that tied me up and restricted my senses.  I was bound happily feeling the comfort of my captivity.  As long as I was imprisoned with him… my master, I was safe; I was content.  He had a slow smile that worked into the corner of his eyes when he was pleased, and a stern passion that laced his voice when he was not.  I cared nothing of the outside world.  I cared only for him, for pleasing him, for loving him.  For years it was enough because I was enough.  For years I was nobody unless I was his somebody.

But things changed, things always change.

He began to visit me less and less.  The hours turned into days before he came to visit.  Days turned into weeks and weeks into months.  I was being fed left over scraps and wasting away.  I was locked in a cage without sustenance, nothing to keep me alive.  Crying in anguish at his absence. I was in agony being alive without a persona.  Alone in a screaming silence; abandoned and starving.  I was a victim of emotional bondage.

For months I screamed for help.  I watched people walk by unaware of my prison and deaf to my screams.  People, like zombies in a far removed reality, totally oblivious to me.  No faith, no hope, nothing until you came along. You zeroed in on my anorexic heart.

You reached out to me, listened to me, spoke to me and I think… in a way, you even loved me.  You fed me until my hunger subsided, until I was healthy again.  You saved me from emotional bondage just to enslave me again.  And then… you left too.  Each time I am broken and each time I am reborn stronger. I am a survivor.

I suppose I am learning each relationship is like a book.  Each story; each relationship, is a different genre.  Whether uplifting, horrific, comedic, or romantic they are all worthy of a place on the shelf.  It may have taken several decades to discover I am the author of these stories but now that I know; these stories are going to be written with strength and determination.  Eventually I hope my life resembles a well-stocked library.   A library others learn from and enjoy visiting.     

This is just a story… a mixture of reality and fairytale just as all stories are.

20 thoughts on “EMOTIONAL BONDAGE

  1. Your writing is incredible. It makes me want to stop writing just so I can read. It also scares the crap out of me that I will never write anything as intense or beautiful.

    Thanks for the follow or I would not have found your words.

    Like

  2. Pingback: Destroy Build | Edward Hotspur

  3. Love, love. love this post! Very nice writing style. I wish I was that talented!…
    I enjoy spending time here reading 🙂 🙂 *Catherine*

    Like

  4. Like a dream, we write the story of our lives only in tone, never in plot. We don’t know what’s happening next, but the ending is always the same – death. A worthy rest for our struggle. If and only, if we struggle.

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  5. I know that I haven’t added many thoughts to your writing lately but that doesn’t mean that I don’t read them, and that I don’t appreciate your excellence my sweet friend. This is an exquisite piece of writing Hasty 🙂

    Andro xxxx

    Like

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