CREATING LIGHT

I wish I could sit In the gold Of morning Sit into the pinks And oranges Of sunset Without having to draw A sword for the black The battle we fight When left alone To face the dark And all its monsters The fights though Bring back the light And even though I feel alone…

A THING I’D LIKE TO HIDE

My boss has walked in on me more than a few times to catch me ugly cry. He walks in and I smile… as of smiling will distract him from seeing the tears. It’s an automatic reflex. To hide my pain. I don’t cry as often these days. I try hard to take care of…

MY DIAMOND CAVE

It’s safe here in this space My beautiful diamond cave If my tears had fears I could shout, let it all out There is no day or night No open or closed signs No neon flashing arrows Just hard, strong walls Built from my own strength My own failures My own victories. No God or…

I GAINED PEACE

We were friends And I was there for you I listened I gave you my time And my time was valuable When your wife was dying I listened When you fell in love I listened When you felt like dying I listened When you dated And dated and dated I listened When you were being…

ANY KIND OF HEAVEN

Tell me how to breathe In a field of hope I’m so used to the battle Anticipating the fights The enemy fire Tell me how to relax When the air is calm Not toxic or electric Or filled with jealousy How do I thrive In a world of peace When rage and fear Are the…

FROM THE DARK

It’s hard To sit in the dark Surrounded By old feelings To let them Materialize brand new To be searched Yet again To be picked apart To be analyzed It’s hard To face your trauma To feel it To listen to it But this time You get to speak Here in this dark The doors…

TRYING

Did I do it right? Am I doing it right? How many times do I ask myself or God this question everyday? My perspective changes. My opinion changes. There is no right or wrong there is only what I did and what I will do. I question my choices hoping to get wiser and smarter…

YESTERDAY’S ALTER

When finally, finally I had opened my eyes I could feel the spiders scurry from their webs And cockroaches who had thought me dead Scuttled frantically from under my bones I felt like a pile of sawdust waiting for the wind To come along and sweep me into a hurricane Back into the chaos from…

MEASURING GROWTH

Every year, about this time, I start falling hopelessly into a past that nearly killed me. 2011 was the year I turned 40. It was a pretty strange year in that I was a totally different person than I had been previously. I had lost 100 lbs and had made lots of new friends. It’s…