Sometimes I read Reddit and I ran across a question a guy asked. He was annoyed by his girlfriend’s playful antics. For instance, she liked to splash him with water when washing dishes together, put cold hands on his chest, goose him in public, slap his buttocks, stick her tongue out when he moves in to kiss her. He said he loves her but wants to tell her to stop doing all these things. He asked if it was okay to ask her to stop?

I kind of related to her. My ex hated pda so I was trained out of that early. I’m flirty and playful but if I don’t get a positive response from something I make note of it and try not to do those things. If you love someone you want positive interactions so my question to this guy is… are you reciprocating in a positive way? And yes you should gently say I don’t like it. Always. No need to vilify her or hurt her just make sure she knows you are serious.

Give her some time to adjust her behavior because it’s hard to change your own expressions of playful. For me I want my person to feel playful so I’ll explore new ways to do that. And no it’s not asking someone to change who they are because there are lots of ways to be playful and NOT cause negative reactions.

Ask for what you want and then let that person accommodate you. Let them show you they want to love and respect you in ways that make you feel loved and respected. If she doesn’t then maybe it’s more about compatibility and that’s a harder beast to tackle.

This conversation made me think of a friendship where I was always doing the work to adapt to who they wanted me to be but they never gave me credit for it. I was always that person that did this one thing they hated as of if I always did it. I couldn’t sing or tell jokes around them because it was embarrassing to them. They hated how I chewed my food. They called me stupid and laughed at me in front of people. Sometimes my response would be to repeat it or double down so I felt like I had autonomy in the moment and/or maybe I’d also laugh at myself but both responses were to offset the hurt I felt at never being good enough. I no longer have that friend.

I still annoy people. I still get it wrong sometimes. I still get embarrassed and double down in the moment and get defensive and hurt if my intention is misunderstood. But I always listen and always adapt to the people I love. I’m not changing who I am I just change how I express who I am in ways that are more conducive to the feelings I hope to inspire.

This poem is how my friend made me feel about myself. And why depression used to cling to friends like him.

I’m always just

Worst case scenario

Always or never

Just one way

Stuck in historical

Never listen

Never learn

Never improve

Never ever grow

I’m a repeat offender

I’m just that one thing

Forever and a day

I’m not playful

I’m not silly or fun

I’m just annoying

Or better yet

I’m that monster

You should run from