I started writing over a decade ago. Just started this blog one day and started writing. No game plan other than to write. I was tired of trying to drown my thoughts out with music. Tired of trying to explain how torturous my thoughts were to those close to me. Tired of feeling “crazy” or like I was seeking attention.
I think normally or maybe just generally, people want to be around happy people. It is perhaps a natural gravitation and part of individual survival. For the most part it’s connections and relationships that get us through the deeper and many times shittier parts of life.
Nonetheless, I was tired of trying to explain depression. I needed to find people like me who had been through it. That understood it. And I found a boatload of people to connect with right here on this blog. You are all a part of the valuable healing process I had to go through.
I’m not sure there is anything harder than trying to explain an invisible illness and what it does to you. How it hurts you. I published books trying to explain it in poetic form. I spent countless hours here on this blog and on other WordPress blogs connecting, learning, and trying to find ways to kick depressions ass.
Skip to the present.
I have a boyfriend Byron Hamel who literally spent a few weeks weeding through my poetry trying to understand depression. My depression. He bookmarked and sat with over a 100 poems. He combined many that said the same things. He clarified a few thoughts. He edited and arranged each poem into an overall story.
He took the time to try to help me explain depression and in order to do that he had to try to understand it. He wanted me to know he loved me enough to try to understand me.
I mean… I have no words.
That’s how “If Not Words” was born. It’s a story about me and the man who loves me. It’s about listening and learning and growing.
I hope you buy the book. That you read it. That you maybe learn not just about how depression feels but about how two people found a way to communicate about something invisible. And I hope you enjoy the journey with us.
The picture below will take you to Amazon. Be kind. Listen to one another.
Partners in life and in business, Hasty and Byron split their time between Oklahoma City and Winnipeg. Though they have produced several films together one of which is “If I Go Missing” . You can also find a series titled “How to Get Beat Up” on YouTube. Follow their production company Wierdo Hat to stay up to date with their new projects. “If Not Words” is their first co-written book.