The electricity flows

Through skin and bone

Anxiety restless

A pacing back and forth

How do I look?

Examines body

Fusses over face

How do I sound?

Practices hello

I’m so happy to meet you

Smile and smile again

Laugh small

Make sure it reaches

Your mascara eyes

Practice makes perfect


People are drawn

To happy

Don’t you dare cry

Not tonight

Not again

You’ll ruin everything

Here take a drink

Take the whole bottle

You’ll be fine

The burn feels good

Warm belly

Slow breath

Calm nerves

You’re amazing

You’re beautiful

People will love

This version of you

This made up person

That isn’t at all like you

**I miss her sometimes.

The way she smiled at everything and laughed if only to keep from crying. She was an AMAZING pretender. She was genuine with her love but not with her pain. She wasn’t selfish and gave whatever was needed.

When I start missing her I remind myself of how the pretending made her drink too much. How the pain would spill out when she drank. How depressed she became and how exhausted trying to seem happy was.

She was more fun. She was more glam and less granny panty. She was more fit. But she was heartache.

In the end who she was and who I am now weren’t compatible. Only one me would survive and granny panties rule.

5 thoughts on “HASTY VERSION 2.0

  1. Expressed in these words is much pain
    Insomnia and deprivement of sleep
    At night you can’t have a good rest
    Feel defenseless as darkness creeps.
    Deep in these words, there’s also hope
    a better tomorrow, better days to come
    Keep fighting because you are strong
    sleeping at night will get easier I promise
    soon, you’ll feel sleeping like a newborn.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Pretending to be something you’re not
    is like throwing firewood to depression
    you can simulate and feel a little better
    but, can we know what is the extension?
    being real with ourselves & trust our gut
    depression tries to put it in suppression
    by being real with ourselves to the core
    seeking joy could be the way to ascension.

    Note: This is the correct one. Sorry…


  3. Hi. Happy that you are continuing to grow. They say hindsight is 20/20 – but if we continue to look over our shoulder at the places we’ve been, we might lose sight of where we’re going. I hope that you have a wonderful future ahead of you, 2.0.


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