SEA JUMPING

I don’t write much anymore.  I haven’t needed to.

I started my blog years ago as a way of releasing the voices in my head that had grown so loud I couldn’t trust reality anymore.  These voices played havoc on my relationships and nearly cost me my life.  At the time I had a friendship I cherished.  In many ways the friendship was a breath of fresh air at a time when I really needed it.  I used that friendship to escape some serious issues and I let it devour me in ways I never should have allowed.

It marked my midlife crisis.  I learned so much about myself.

Who I was. Who I am. Who I want to be.

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I know what it’s like
To have everyone
Look at you
As if you’ve
Lost your mind
Because I have
I know now
What it feels like
To be driven to the brink
Poked and prodded
Laughed at and discouraged
Instigated into reacting
So that I was the one
You could point at
As your biggest problem
I was your sympathy card
I was just a game you played
And you won
You played me well
I was broken and ready to jump
And I did
But not for the reason you think
I jumped because I knew
It was the only way to save myself
I fell into the ocean
With open wounds
And the pain
Swallowed me for awhile
But the waves carried me
And the wind sang to me
And the stars guided me
And even when storms
Threatened my survival
I knew jumping was right
That I was better off
Letting the sea devour me
Than allowing you to
Manipulate and bite at me
I let the sea cleanse me
And the sun warm me
Until I was ready
To once again believe
That friendship could be
What I once enjoyed it to be

9 thoughts on “SEA JUMPING

  1. I was thinking today, in a completely different context of reference, of standing on the sea cliffs at Santa Cruz watching and feeling the huge rollers from Winter storms crash to shore, the ones that send the sea lions out to deep water from their rocks, and keep the surfers on shore, and have the sea birds sitting on the middle school soccer field, and letting that immensity and power in to drown anxieties and doubts.

    You may not be writing as much lately, but when you do, Oh My!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To coral days between summer squalls and winter storms and all that sunshine in between… You run like a wind, skipping waves, skipping days all out along the bay, miles away… Happy midweek, to the hasty and charmed.

    Like

  3. Pingback: * RE- Blog * SEA JUMPING — HASTYWORDS | Touching Madness

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