MORE THAN AN IMAGE

Today my guest blogger is one of my “IRL” friends, May Vann. Compassion happens when you get past the stereotyping and the judgments and take the next step in caring about someone. I hope this idea comes across in this post today!

When I first met May we were shaking our butts next to each other at a zumbathon event. Even drenched in sweat my jawed dropped because well… she is beautiful. Although she is beautiful to look at it was her fun spirit, smile, and personality that made me feel comfortable enough to get to know her. Beautiful people make me shy and insecure…but not her. She is the kind of person that makes you feel perfect just the way you are and when I am around her…I feel beautiful.

To be honest we all judge people and if I had seen a picture of her before I had seen the brilliant compassionate love in her face I would have never tried to get to know her. Why? My own insecurities. For some reason I had it in my head that all beautiful people hate ugly people. Just typing that makes me feel like a horrible and ugly person. May Vann doesn’t realize it but she changed my perspective on people and on how I judge people by their looks.

Now if I see someone I think is beautiful I will go up to them and tell them. Most times they are shocked someone thinks so and I made someone feel good about themselves, which in turn makes me feel good about myself. Another thing I have noticed is beautiful women are judged by other woman the most harshly. If you are pretty you will sadly have many women haters…ugh…just stop.

I want to take her story a bit further though because when you look at a picture you don’t see but a tiny, tiny piece of the person in the photograph. When I asked May to write something here for my blog I didn’t expect what I got. It is a poem and something she never talks about. This, these words, tell us so much more about her than a picture ever could. It also tells a story that I believe has helped shape her into who she is but it definitely does not DEFINE who she is.

She is a single mom having gone through divorce. She has two beautiful children with one being autistic. She has her Masters and works full time and sometimes more than one job. She has a hard time saying “no” to people because she is a people pleaser and she wants to make people happy. She makes me happy. I love you May!

May, very bravely, wrote this for me hoping she would find support and maybe some comfort. She also hopes to be one more voice speaking out loud in solidarity with other survivors of sexual abuse. She wants to say don’t feel ashamed. She has to say it to herself everyday… DON’T FEEL ASHAMED.

I hope you understand that everyone has a story and that story is rarely conveyed by what someone looks like. ~Hastywords

SHAME, SHAME by MAY VANN

9 thoughts on “MORE THAN AN IMAGE”

Ugh, that is heart-crushing. May you are amazing, and yes so much more than outter appearance. It sucks that being beautiful can be punishment, people treat you a certain way just because of the way you look, that always sucks. And usually no one will understand. I’m sorry that happened. I know what that experience at 13 is like, unfortunately. I wasn’t even smart enough to feel shame, just happy for the attention. I’m glad you’re a wonderful person, despite of having to survive the worst of human beings. You’re a true survivor and thriver. Thank you for sharing your story and your courage. Your children are truly blessed to have you!

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Ohhh so simple a poem, yet containing such pain. May…I only.want to say that tiny, innocent, 5 year-old you bears NO RESPONSIBILITY for this. You did not ‘let’ anything happen. This was done TO you, and it’s horrific.

Thank you for your bravery in sharing this, and for your determination that shame will not control you.

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ahhhhhhhhh… I always know when I came here I am going to be both uplifted, and sucker punched in the gut… by the cruelty of some people and the bravery of another… sniff…

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Such a sad poem, and sadly, hers is not a rare story. It’s good to share these terrible things so that others can see them and feel less alone. There’s security in numbers. No victim should ever have to feel shame. Having been a cop for 16 years, I’ve seen victim shaming, even the victim’s doing it to themselves, over and over. Everybody has a story and I love hearing about what’s shaped a person, good bad or otherwise. Give your friend big IRL hug from me, Hasty.

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Just shows that beauty brings unwanted attention and alters the values people attach to themselves.
Heartfelt and sad.
And Hasty, you are gorgeous inside and out too. I’d challenge you to find someone to disagree with that – except you of course!
Lovely meaningful introduction to these words.

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Great post on true beauty, and a beautiful poem with a sad reminder that there are people out there that take advantage of children.

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That is heartwrenching. I don’t know you but I do know Hasty and I know her heart. She knows good people when she meets them. That tells me you are just as lovely on the inside as the outside. Thank you for being brave and sharing this poem. I hope it helped shed some of the shame which certainly is not yours.

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