SEEING ME

I took a picture Sent it to my boyfriend My first thought was I look familiar Like Jigsaw Weird cheeks Big lips Strange… Full stop You look like a person Like someone loved Who also loves You look like a mom Like a girlfriend A daughter, A friend You look like the lady Who puts…

A PLAIN HANDY BOX

If I were a box I’d be a plain box No fancy ribbons No pretty wrap Filled with joy Along with sadness Filled with dreams It won’t share Because it’s a practical Useful box A helpful box Never a gift Just handy It’d hold diapers Until needed Bills until paid Receipts for taxes Seasonal fruit…

SELF HATE

Sometimes you hate yourself And you think everyone else Should hate you too So you make up reasons And concoct scenarious That prove that it’s true Because if it’s true then You don’t have to focus On why you hate yourself And you can begin To defend yourself From the other person And then maybe…

NO MONSTER

I believed for awhile The monster cried That it was as alone And broken inside But tears never fell Life never called And death just Stood alone No monster Just me

A FAT COW

I was in 7th grade Weighed 110 lbs I was eating lunch Minding my own When a boy called me A fat cow and mooed Enter another boy Out of nowhere I didn’t know Had never seen Who stood up for me Curly blonde hair Tall and adorable He sat next to me Said I…

THE EMPTY SPACE

We were taking pictures. It was a fun night. But with most fun nights where I was hanging out with friends the anxiety was intense. I look at this picture and I see it. That fraction of a second right before the big smile that says “life is good and I am good”. Except I…

YOU WILL BREAK… over and over again

Zumba class used to be my happy place. Several times a week I would walk into this class and I’d forget about all the hard things in my life. Fun music, people sweating and laughing. We literally looked like we had taken a group shower when we were done. It felt so good. The instructor…

MORE OR LESS

I don’t remember the first time I thought, “man I wish I could be more…”. More classy, more beautiful, more funny, more smart, more stable, more serious. I’ve lost count of how often I wished I was less messy, less emotional, less sad, less weak, less random, less awkward. Seems I’m constantly wishing I had…

THE VALUE OF A LIFE

I felt for so long I was worthless. That nobody would love someone “like me”. When I say “like me” I mean someone with low self-confidence, emotional instability, overweight, and constantly comparing myself to others. But once I got all the emotionally challenging parts of my life behind me I started to realize I actually…

#BeReal -ALISA SCHINDLER

Please welcome Alisa Schindler to #BeReal. It’s taken decades for me to really figure out what it means to be real, not because I was trying not to be, but because I didn’t know how. I spent a long time insecure and concerned with others’ perception of me. I spent a long time uncomfortable with…