A couple of months ago my daughter came home and quite simply said…I hate being left out.  Some kids on the playground formed a group to perform in the talent show and kicked her out saying they don’t need a 4th.  Yea…rejection sucks.  Being forgotten and ignored sucks.  Yet it is a part of life you deal with no matter how old you get.

I am 40 and I deal with it nearly every time I open facebook or instagram.  I imagine everyone does.  In this day and age I am finding it very important to deal with these emotions so I can help my daughter deal with them as she gets older.  This weekend I was  the one that did the excluding.  It wasn’t intentional and I had my reasons.  Part of me really didn’t think it was a big deal…because hey it’s me but apparently people cared more than I thought. I included people who had been by my side the last several months and didn’t invite others that I haven’t seen in awhile.  Others I knew I would see before Christmas so….  The reasons don’t matter… The feelings are there and they are tangible.  I am not the type of person to exclude someone to make them feel like crap….but I unintentionally did and for that I am sorry and I will face the consequences of my decisions.

When my daughter came to me months ago I started analyzing why I felt left out and even did research.  I am including the science behind the feeling in a few articles below.  It talks about anger vs sadness and how nobody is immune to the feeling.  Many times it has nothing to do with the players.  You can respond with sadness or respond with anger.  I got both …and I appreciated the response that understood my dilemma and sympathized and I learned a lot from the people who responded in anger.

Dear daughter

There will be times

Many times in fact

No matter how old you get

You will not be invited

Not asked to play

You will be left out

The reasons can vary

Some reasons innocent

Some reasons dumb

Some reasons just because

You will ask why?

And you may get honesty

Or you might get a lie

But whatever the reason

Don’t hang your head

Don’t waste any tears

Because being left out

Isn’t all that bad

Because being left out

Didn’t change your life

It won’t and never will

Change who you are

Being left out doesn’t mean

You aren’t thought about or loved

It simply means this time

For whatever reason

It just wasn’t meant to be

You will also leave others out

Either by choice or accident

It is inevitable you see

No matter how big your heart

You can’t always please

So my advice to you

Do your best

Love your best

Rejoice when included

And in those times you’re not

Let it go, rise up, and move along

Links:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cant-buy-happiness/201204/i-will-have-what-shes-having-feeling-left-out-and-buying-social-accep

https://www.google.com/search?s?hl=en&sugexp=les%3Bcqn%2Crate_low%3D0.035%2Crate_high%3D0.035%2Cmin_length%3D2%2Ccconf%3D1.2%2Csecond_pass%3Dfalse%2Cnum_suggestions%3D1%2Cignore_bad_origquery%3Dtrue%2Conetoken%3Dfalse&gs_rn=0&gs_ri=serp&cp=0&gs_mss=THE%20PSYCHOLOGY%20OF%20FEELING%20LEFT%20OUT&pq=the%20psychology%20of%20feeling%20left%20out&gs_id=64&xhr=t&q=THE%20PSYCHOLOGY%20OF%20FEELING%20LEFT%20OUT&pf=p&client=firefox-a&tbo=d&rls=org.mozilla:en-US%3Aofficial&sclient=psy-ab&oq=&gs_l=&pbx=1&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.r_qf.&bvm=bv.1355534169,d.b2I&bpcl=40096503&biw=1024&bih=629&ech=2&psi=H6nQUN3DNIv62AXEk4DADQ.1355852065244.1&emsg=NCSR&noj=1&ei=6qnQUMmaMoiC2gXnoYHQDQ

http://blog.itsallaboutabandonment.com/2007/12/15/what-is-abandonment–by-joseph-mcnair-med–j-ray-rice-msw-acsw.aspx

http://www.apa.org/monitor/apr07/teenage.aspx

http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/being-ignored-hurts-even-by-a-stranger.html