“I shut my eyes and all the world drops dead; I lift my eyes and all is born again.” by Sylvia Plath This quote keeps running through my head. It was on my mind as I shut my eyes to sleep and on my mind again as I awoke this morning. When I shut my eyes reality is so bright I can see it burning through my eyelids. And when I say bright I don’t mean all sunshines and hope bright; I mean someone driving at you with their headlights on bright kind of bright. The reality is we spend most of our energy storing up hope, faith, love, and security for those moments when we can’t move anymore, when we feel numb inside. Many people have these things in abundance and they are amazing when it comes time to stand strong. Others have trouble producing the positive things that can withstand the heartache that is inevitably in store.
This weekend my friend R passed away. It was expected but still felt so unexpected. I held his hand after he had passed and I think I was hoping the warmth in my heart would warm his hand. J was a rock, as solid as they come, calm about everything, and behind the eyes of sadness and heartache he was full of beautiful strength. R would be proud of J. I witnessed a mom’s heartache at losing her son….I imagine this is how it would look if the sun died and left earth behind. We know we are not permenant but it is always a shock to find out the truth of how temporary we are everytime it happens that someone we love is gone. In this case I got to say goodbye and I feel blessed I was allowed to do so.
On a side note, it is strange to me that the memories like to play hide and seek in your mind until the time has come and you say goodbye. It is like the memories are all coming out to say goodbye as well. He loved listening to Party Rock Anthem in the mornings and I will always think of him when that song comes on. It’s the memories that pain us at the passing of a loved one. It is our friends that will help us mourn and move on.
Sometimes life decides to overwhelm you for whatever reason. It tests your patience, strength, and friendships. It is in these moments our friends and family mean everything….their love and understanding keep us alive…give us a reason to live. The memories may follow us when we shut our eyes but with the help of those who care about us we can open them again and start living a new day…until we don’t!