Men love to say women are too emotional. Yet the last few years have given us some of the loudest and most irrational tantrums I have ever seen from men.

Did you know a person can repeat a lie so often that the line between what they invented and what they remember can begin to blur?

Psychology shows that a person will often search for evidence that supports what they already want to believe. I know this because depression once had my brain doing the same thing. I believed I was worthless and my brain found all the evidence it needed to make that belief feel true.

Repetition can make a claim feel familiar. Familiarity can then be mistaken for truth. Eventually, a person may not feel like they are lying anymore. They may feel like they are defending reality itself.

That is how a person begins to bend reality in their own minds. Sometimes they even convince entire groups to bend with them.

Let me introduce you to emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is not just knowing how to read other people. It is having enough self awareness to question your own reactions.

A person with emotional intelligence can pause before reacting. They can separate feelings from facts. They can listen without immediately becoming defensive. They can change their mind without feeling like they have lost their identity.

Without that self awareness intelligence can become a tool for rationalization. People can use their minds to build stronger defenses around beliefs they NEVER HONESTLY examined.

The most dangerous person is not always the one who knows they are lying.

Sometimes it is the person who has convinced themself that their version of reality must be true. Then they speaks with certainty. They gather followers. They dismiss every challenge as an attack.

That is why emotional intelligence must include intellectual humility.

We need the courage to examine our own stories, question our certainty, and care more about what is true than about winning.

Because a mind can build a convincing story around almost anything. Truth still needs evidence. 

Be honest.

As you were reading this did you automatically think this was a problem with Democrats or Republicans?

If the answer is yes then that may be part of the problem. Emotional intelligence means being willing to recognize unhealthy thinking wherever it appears even when it comes from the people we support.

Truth does not belong to one political party. Neither does irrationality. 😜