NOT EVERYONE IS HIM

Can inconsistency be a trauma?

The way he said he loved me
The way his eyes devoured me
How his hands moved over me
I remember feeling so high
Destination cloud nine please

He did everything right
Made me lemon squares
Opened my doors for me
Dressed up to take me out
“Let’s just drive around
I don’t want to share you”
Sincere smile
Holds my hand
I totally believed him…his lies

I look back now
And I can’t reconcile
The person he was
With the person he became
His intention was rape and
The last door he opened
Landed me on the ground
Dumped like a bin for trash day
And… he was gone
Mostly

He still visits me
Everytime someone compliments me
Everytime I catch inconsistecy
My heart pumps adrenaline
Fearing the very worst
Not one part of me can handle
That kind if inconsistency again

And I have had to repeat
a million times or more
not everyone is him

Healing is a journey. There isn’t a place where you’ll be able to stop and say “Hey look I made it. I’m done.”

Once there is trauma it is with you forever. But just like a physical scar an emotional one can become smoother and lighter. The trauma of a loved one dying. The trauma of abuse. The trauma of a disaster. The trauma of disease.

I read a post the other day that upset me quite a bit. The man said (of a young girls trauma) how absurd and ridiculous her suicide was since she had only been raped a few times. How she should have been able to get over that and that he would have gladly traded places and been raped a dozen times over instead of what he was currently going through.

I don’t know what his current situation is. I won’t assume. But we can’t compare traumas between us. We are all healing from something. All of us. And there is no “getting over” trauma.

We can learn to cope. We can learn to not hurt others. But trauma is unpredictable. There is no “getting over” trauma.

5 thoughts on “NOT EVERYONE IS HIM

    • I actually edited his comment because his actual words were far worse. I noticed later he had realized how horrific he was being. Several rape victims commented on his thoughts.

      Sometimes I wonder if these shocking comments aren’t meant to fish for vulnerable people. “Oh hey guys I’m sorry… I see now… thank you for helping me”. Of course I have to work hard to not see every man I don’t know as a predator.

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      • Wow. Really?

        Yes, it’s hard not to wonder about motivation, as it is so shocking.
        It’s perfectly understandable you would feel that way…the way the cyber world is, it pays to be cautious anyway, but after your experience, that’s a whole other level, and I really feel for you. But it makes my blood boil as well, when I hear stories of predators on WP. So sad!

        Like

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