My Relationships Are Hard guest today is J.C. Hannigan.
Love is what we all want and crave. To get love we have to give love. It is a two way street. But if I had to pick something just as important as love it would be communication.
This is a wonderful piece and I am honored J.C. decided to share it with us here.
Expect a Partner, Not a Mind Reader by J.C. Hannigan
A lot of my friends come to me with all of their relationship problems and woes. They think that I have some kind of fountain of knowledge when it comes to how to be happy and in love. Maybe I do, maybe I don’t. I have learned a thing or two during the time I have been with and loved my husband.
I believe that it starts with self-awareness. I am aware of my short-comings, almost as much as I am aware of his short-comings. I am aware of the fact that nobody is perfect, and that everyone has their own baggage to carry.
I repeat: everyone has their own baggage to carry.
You can’t expect your partner to carry all your baggage and all theirs – it’s a two way street. You either both have to shoulder your own experiences, and communicate about them, and at times…take turns shouldering the load. It’s not always up to one person to carry it all.
Something I’ve noticed from those who confide in me is that they are quick to expect that their partners understand when they are hurting and stressed and cranky, but when their partner displays the signs of being hurt or stressed or cranky…they get angry.
People want all the support and understanding from their partners, but in turn…they hesitate to give it when their partners need it. Instead of being understanding, patient and kind, they get angry for their partner’s actions and condemn them. But if their partner were the ones getting angry with them for being depressed or cranky or any number of the unpleasant human emotions we ALL experience…woah boy, look out.
Being in love with someone doesn’t mean you should expect that they’ll be able to read your mind, you can’t get angry at someone for not being able to understand why you’re acting the way you are. You have to communicate; you have to talk about it.
So, self-awareness and communication are so very important in a relationship. You have to know what kind of energies you’re illuminating, so that you can discuss it with your partner appropriately. Telling them you are sad or stressed out and explaining why will go a long way. They won’t internalize your actions, and maybe they’ll be a little more understanding and sympathetic. If you lash out without communicating, you’re going to create a hostile environment and resentment within the person you love the most.
J.C. Hannigan’s love of reading was spawned from a very early age. She inhaled novels with an unquenchable thirst. Eventually, that love of reading turned into a love for writing. She started to pen stories at the tender age of nine while sitting at her white desk, pencil posed over lined paper, writing countless stories about a girl, her best friend, their horses and the adventures they’d have going on trial rides together. Born with a chronic pain bone disorder called Multiple Hereditary Exostoses, she didn’t get to play sports or run amuck like her siblings and peers. Writing kept her company amid a world of surgeries, bad pain days, and isolation.
She started a blog when she was fifteen-years-old, chronicling the challenges of high school, dating, and coping with her chronic pain bone disorder. That blog went on to win a Bloggie for Best Teen Weblog, and J.C.’s ego inflated quite a bit over it (enough to continuously mention it even today).
J.C. currently resides in a small town in Ontario with her husband, their two sons, and dog. When she isn’t trying to wrangle the kids and dog, she can be found writing. In addition to writing new adult romance and suspense novels, J.C. writes a blog for the MHE Coalition, discussing the struggles of living with Multiple Hereditary Exostoses. She also contributes to several other websites, including her personal blog, the OCH Literary Society, and she is the content manager for Stigma Fighters Canada. Through her writing, J.C. brings to light awareness of mental health and social challenges. Her writing has been described as edgy, bold, poignant, and raw.
Other hobbies of J.C.’s include hiking, camping, binge-watching shows like Outlander, Game of Thrones, The Vampire Diaries, and The Walking Dead, eating dill pickle chips and daydreaming of travelling around the world. J.C. adores interacting with readers, so don’t hesitate to reach out and say hi! She tries her best to respond to every message. To learn more, visit her on Facebook and follow her personal blog of random ramblings.
Connect with J.C. Hannigan:
Google +: http://tinyurl.com/qaqex3f
5 thoughts on “Expect a Partner, Not a Mind Reader”
This is so true and I have been guilty of it myself in the past. I try to avoid it now, though!
I know from experience the truth of this. The story, or stories, of that experience are not necessary here (not to mention too long), but I have learned what it is to be blamed for not helping with problems that had been hidden. And, I’ve seen the same in many other relationships. Thanks, Hasty and J.C.
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