AIN’T NO SUNSHINE

/ January 27, 2015

Do you ever read something you wish you had written? Something that stops your heart but then makes sure to restart it before it’s finished?

I met Mandi very briefly not too long ago and she not only does that with her writing but she does it with her presence too. She is beautiful, the kind that takes your breath away because you can’t remember seeing that kind of kindness in anyone’s eyes before.

When I read this post I felt it and I cried. I cried for me, I cried for her, I cried for every single woman who feels like this. I cried for all the men in their lives who find out too late that they had sunshine and they traded it for a moon that will never warm them the way the sun can.

I love you Mandi…

You are definitely sunshine!

 

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Ain’t No Sunshine by Mandi

 

There was a time when she knew that she was his sun. She rose in the East and set in the West and lit up his life. When she entered the room, his world brightened with her rays. When she left, the world grew darker.

She made him laugh. He thought she was the smartest, funniest, most beautiful person on Earth, and she soared through the sky floating on that soft cloud where he held her. High above the rest. Nothing could stop them. They had each other, and that was enough.

But life happens. Jobs and kids and deaths and sicknesses and life interrupts, and the smile fades from his face.

No longer does he laugh at her little comments.

His world doesn’t begin and end with her.

Sometimes she wonders if he notices her at all.

She tries, over and over. She tries to spark that flame that once burned so bright between them. She takes the world and places it on her shoulders and does all that she can to make his life easier, to lessen his load, to bring him back.

But she is invisible.

He can’t see how hard she tries. He can’t see her at all.

She is no more noticeable than the curtains. When he needs light, he knows where to find it, but more often than not, he closes the drapes and blocks out the sunshine.

Eventually, that once burning desire in her heart begins to fade, and she grows cold and resentful. She knows she deserves more. She is the sun, god damn it. She will not let her light be snuffed.

She perseveres. She ignores being ignored. She pretends it doesn’t bother her. She finds comfort in other places.

And the gap that separates them grows wider and wider.

Inches become feet which become miles, and eventually she can no longer summon the energy to cross the divide.

Where does she go from here?

Can she still burn bright on her own?

Of course she can.

She is the sun, God damn it.

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Mandi is a happy-go-lucky Texas girl who loves to tell stories, laugh, and have dance parties in her kitchen. She tries to keep life simple and live on the bright side. She is the author of Dear Stephanie, a novel scheduled to be released this spring. To learn more, visit her blog: Cellulite Looks Better Tan or connect with her: Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram.

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40 thoughts on “AIN’T NO SUNSHINE”

  1. Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone. Only darkness when she’s away. Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone, and she’s gonna be gone before long, if he dosn’t see her beautiful rays….

    Awesome post. I can really relate to this one as well.

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  2. Mandi… Oh, how I hope this is borne from your imagination and not your current state of mind. The writing is wonderful, as always, and sometimes it’s the pain that fuels the best fire — why is that, I wonder? Always a joy to hear from you, whether through a post like this or just a chat. Hugs.

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    • Can we just say it came from my imagination? Thank you for always being a fan of my writing. “it’s the pain that fuels the best fire…” true words, Helena. I do enjoy our chats. I’ll be there for a greyhound soon. Thanks for reading.

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  3. Squishy, I’m no good with comments, not in the way you are. I can’t make you suddenly aware of the wonder that is friendship, nor sparkle your world the way you sparkle mine. But I can tell you that I hope the sun doesn’t set, rather that it stops in the sky and her brightness and warmth and beauty become visible to him as they are to everyone else. I can wish you fewer clouds and less thunder and fewer shadows, but all the eyelashes in the world aren’t powerful enough, or you know I would gladly send them heavenwards for you.

    This distance I know too well.

    Keep shining, beautiful, and when it gets dark, you will see me. ☆♡☆

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      • I don’t worry for you – you’re the sunshine (damnit) and you can give third degree burns if you want to – I just…this piece made me very wistful and it rung a painfully large number of bells for me, but you have that confidence to end in such a determined way, whereas I never did – I accepted the shadows and embraced them because how could anything else be the case? I’m still not past that.

        I’m glad I know you, too, and I’m glad that you know how much. I very nearly said it out loud, too!

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  5. I’ve typed and erased three different responses to this. I want to say so much but it’s hard to open up that wound in front of any person who may stumble across this comment. What I will say… this is heart breakingly beautiful. As are you. ❤

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  9. Today you are my HEART.
    This post came out of my soul, through your fingertips. Thank you for writing this. Everyone thinks I’m such a badass, but these are words I am afraid to say. Because I’m ignoring being ignored.

    I’m the sun too, goddammit. We BOTH are.

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  11. Mandi, this is beautifully written. I have much to say about it, too, but I only want to say it if you’re actually interested in hearing it. You know where to find me if you need to talk.

    BTW, you ARE the fucking sun. You light up the sky and are essential to life. Your presence makes the birds sing and flowers bloom.

    Stay strong, my friend.

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    • Oh, Scott, your words are so kind. Thank you for saying that. I know where to find you, but really. I’m okay. Promise. I’m staying strong…and still lurking around…you know where to find me, too.

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  12. Hasty, what an honor to be asked to write here. Thank you, and your introduction…well, the feeling is mutual. I loved meeting you and would love another time when we can spend more time together. You truly are the most beautiful person on the internet. Inside and out. Thank you again for having me here. I would never be able to share this on my own blog, and you know how cathartic writing is.

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      • It was my pleasure entirely…and yes I do know and identify with each n every word..you put into words that which I have been struggling to identify..thanks for your inspiring words..thank you so much..

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  14. Reblogged this on Saya..D..Poet and commented:
    No words for what this post made me feel…I hope all you guys out there…don’t give up on each other….your partner…your mate…your love is more important than any other damn diversion in life…don’t let them be invisible..

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  15. Pingback: Sunshines – lost n found | Saya..D..Poet

  17. “Where does she go from here?” She goes wherever she feels that light again! Because you ARE the sun…Goddamit. I can’t think of many things that tears your heart apart more fiercly than looking at eyes that don’t adore you the way they once did. I’ve been there. It hurts. It hurts so bad. Choosing to deal with the pain that comes from walking away is even harder. You captured that so well here. Beautiful post, Mandi. ~Dawn

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  18. Sometimes we forget, the Sun like its system of planets and rocks, is hurtling through space and time. We often forget how different the freedom of the wind touches her face and why the weather makes known to us the seasons through such changes. Perhaps we forget why we sustain our lives and instead tether each different small part of ourselves to the provisions rather than to living in the heart of what makes for us, friends, and family. Maybe we try to remain static too long out of fear in the way society dominates control, assimilation, and normalisation. Why do we try to remain stationary (when so much is in constant motion) and slowly misplace the worth in those we love? Maybe too much abstract thinking here, but there’s time today.

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    • “We forget why we sustain our lives and instead tether each different small part of ourselves to the provisions rather than living in the heart…” Wow…that line along with the rest your comment took my breath away. You are so very right. Thank you for reading.

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