MY NARCISSISM

/ October 22, 2013

Daily Prompt : Sad but True

BeFunky_photo-1.jpg

I usually don’t get much criticism which is hard for me to hear because I am my own worst critic.  It is rare I hear something suprising other than the words goodbye.  I can’t handle goodbye’s but that is a whole other story.

I do have one story about a girl… but it is much too pathetic to tell.  Plus to tell the story would hurt her and make me look vengeful so I will refrain, and I have too many friends who still do things with her.  I don’t know why but to each their own.

I am told both to my face and through various gossip highways that I am a Narcissist.  I have been assured by a professional I am not but I still wonder what it is about me that causes varies parties to believe I am.   Maybe, it is my billions of pictures as a fellow blogger likes to point out.  Maybe, it is the fact I tend to make everything about me as a good friend once admonished.  There are other people, including the girl above, who have said these things.

Am I a Narcissist?  I decided to let the internet tell me.

Wikipedia: The term narcissism comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a handsome Greek youth who rejected the desperate advances of the nymph Echo. These advances eventually led Narcissus to fall in love with his own reflection in a pool of water. Unable to consummate his love, Narcissus “lay gazing enraptured into the pool, hour after hour,” and finally changed into a flower that bears his name, the narcissus.[1]

I really kind of love this story, however, I have trouble just looking at my reflection in the mirror every morning.  I wonder what it would be like to fall in love with your own image.  Did he even care if anyone agreed with him or not?  My guess no… he was content and that seems beautiful. 

A book by Thomas, David. Narcissism: Behind the Mask (2012) is about power-hungry narcissists and suggests that narcissists typically display most, and sometimes all, of the following traits:

An obvious self-focus in interpersonal exchanges – Sometimes this is true for me, I mean I worry about how I am presenting myself and how the other person feels about what I am saying.  I guess that is my answer though, I do care what they think.

Problems in sustaining satisfying relationships –  I would say I have had 3 important relationships end on bad terms.  I have been married 20+ years.  I don’t think I have a problem with this one.

A lack of psychological awareness : I assume this means they don’t believe they have a psychosis and don’t care.  Regardless, I have am overly obsessed with my psyche.

Difficulty with empathy – If anything I am too empathetic.

Problems distinguishing the self from others – If I get close to someone then my boundaries seem to include that person.  At first I thought I fit this scenario. A narcissist will see the other person as an extension of themselves and as someone to help meet their own needs or they don’t exist.  I do feel the other is a part of me but the needs go both ways.

Hypersensitivity to any insults or imagined– This one fits me.  I try so hard to be perfect and when someone like the girl above discounts me then I am angry about it.  I am self defensive, and it creates anxiety that is hard for me to overcome easily.  In reality, it is another persons disappointment in me that causes me distress.

Vulnerability to shame rather than guilt:  I think I experience both of these regularly.  lol oops.

Haughty body language:  I don’t even know… but I have never been accused of looking or acting snobby or arrogant.

Flattery towards people who admire and affirm them:  Maybe I do this but it is more an act of respect for me.  If someone flatters me I tend to flatter back.  It is always sincere but I know how flattery makes some people uncomfortable so it is rare I flatter someone until I know if they are comfortable with it.

Detesting those who do not admire them (narcissistic abuse):  There are lots of people who do not admire me and I still admire them.

Using other people without considering the cost of doing so:  NO… 

Pretending to be more important than they really are:  Haha NO again.

Bragging (subtly but persistently) and exaggerating their achievements: When I am proud of something I did then I do brag but normally I down play the achievement mainly because there is always someone has done more than I have and probably did it better.

Claiming to be an “expert” at many things: Well hey I believe you can be anything you want and accomplish any goal you have but to be an “expert” at anything you have to have spent time something I never have time to do.  I know a little about a lot of things.

Inability to view the world from the perspective of other people: I enjoy changing my perspective.

Denial of remorse and gratitude: Nope I have lots of remorse and lots of gratitude if anyone needs to borrow some.

In conclusion I believe I am and I am not narcissistic.  I believe we all have some narcissistic traits.  I have to wonder though what it means that I was so worried I was narcissistic that I did this much research to reveal the truth to myself.  That is perhaps a self diagnosis for another day.

 

Now I am going to go take a selfie and give myself a pep talk.

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35 thoughts on “MY NARCISSISM”

  2. I was raised by one. If you’re asking the question, you’re not a narcissist. Narcissists will never look at themselves. They would never ask. They only care about themselves, they only pretend to care about others. They can charm because they’re great liars.

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  3. Great and timely post Hasty. I too struggle with some of the pitfalls of narcissism. I qualify in some areas and not in others as well. I believe that self pride is an important thing to have up to a point, but there is a line that can be crossed. It has been on my mind a little bit lately and was the reason I wrote “Pride of Icarus” the other day retelling the tale of the dangers of TOO MUCH self pride. Have a great day and Keep Inspiring.

    JMC

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  4. Hasty, you are a beautiful person both inside and out. Don’t let anyone ever tell you any differently. You have a huge, loving heart, an infectious smile, and a great sense of humor. You. Are. Awesome.

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  5. We’re all a little narcissistic. It’s the simple truth of humanity. As long as it isn’t negatively impacting our lives, then it isn’t a psychosis, it’s simply being human. The one thing I’ve seen in following your blog that is a narcissistic habit is that you post the pictures of yourself with each of your posts. It isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but, as a reader, it would be cool to see the rest of the world that the cool lady lives in.

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    • I throw a few in 🙂
      I am definitely going to go on a photography spree though because I want my next book to focus on all the friends I have in my life. It will be impossible to include everyone but I am excited about it!
      I hope all is well with you! 🙂

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  7. So many people throw words around without really understanding what they mean. I think it’s pretty clear your blog has evolved from being about you and your journey to being about, you, your journey and the people pleased to be welcomed into your journey. It has been great therapy for you, it seems, and to suggest that someone go to a therapist and talk about other than what they went there for is not narcissistic, but foolish. You keep being who you are, Hasty. We kinda love you.

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    • You know I was just looking around the blogosphere and I realized how many people I have come to know and how many of those bloggers know each other now and are friends and I am so happy to be part of it. So many familiar faces chatting and enjoying their shared connections. I love it and I am so honored and blessed to be part of it. I am so glad I met you and I am glad you are part of my life.

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  8. If you were a Narcissist (which you are NOT!), you could never have written that post; you would have projected all of that stuff onto others! Alienora

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