The ending to the story….

This post will be short and to the point because I don’t want to linger with these thoughts much longer.  I know I have to concentrate on me.  I worry now about the worry I have placed on my friends and family…added stress and anxiety.  But this is honesty…it feels weak and I don’t like how it tastes.  I can see, now that I have opened my eyes again, that these feelings are definitely NOT ok.  What these feelings do to those I love is NOT ok.  These revelations were slow to be realized and owned up to.

You see, I have an image to uphold.  I don’t really but in my mind I do.  I was the strong one the one who takes a challenge and succeeds.  I have finally realized I can’t keep pretending…the feelings that have been leaking out in different forms over the last year or so have become a hemorrhage.  They have been slowly tearing down my marriage and my most cherished friendships.  I can control the damage…I can finally admit I am not capable of dealing with everything.  I am not invincible…dang it.

At this point I can’t worry about how people I know will react to this story.  I can only hope this story serves some sort of purpose.  This really isn’t the ending to my story.  This story is the beginning of a new story I will fight to write positively.  Since writing and posting this story I have laid the groundwork for support I know will help me succeed.  I would normally end a post with some sort of poetry but instead I will say thank you to my husband, my family, and my friends for supporting me.  Even when I can’t see my blessings you are my eyes when I am blind.

18 thoughts on “THE NEW BEGINNING – PART SIX

  1. Hi, I’ve just read those 6 posts and a few before them. It is very difficult for me and I assume also for your friends to know what to say, other than “I’m so sorry you are feeling this way.” I noticed you said that you usually help others, and so I think it might help you to address to yourself the words you say or write to others. If you always appear strong, people don’t see the need to help you, so what you have done is a really good first step. Sending you a big hug,


  2. I don’t know you in real life, but I can relate. I”m gonna tell you what gets me through the dark parts. Jesus. Period. Sometimes your friends won’t be there or know how to help you. I suppose I sound trite and maybe I’ll offend some. But girl, you’re worth fighting for. Don’t give up!


  3. those pictures are amazingly hypnotic. how are you not an eye or face model?

    i know that has nothing to do with your post, but i can’t not say it. write it. type it. whatever.


  4. Pingback: TO NEW BEGINNINGS | hastywords

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