I was watching a movie today where a woman fell into a frozen pond and was fighting for her life to resurface.  It was stressful to watch and hit a nerve somehow; I was anxious and felt overwhelmed for a moment.  Once the movie was over I sat thinking about how this movie, the particular scene, made me feel.  I realized the frozen pond was how I feel about my marriage at the moment.

You know from previous posts that I have been with my husband for 22 years.  I love him.  I hate him.  He is wonderful and annoying.  He is caring and hurtful.  He is giving and selfish.  He is so frustrating and sometimes delightfully silly and fun loving.  I suppose this is how all relationships go and what we are experiencing currently is a growing pain.

Sometimes I feel my husband and I are standing in the middle of a frozen pond just looking at each other trying to decide where we should try to step next.  Now and then we skate around this pond hand in hand oblivious to the world and enjoying each others warmth.  Other times we are standing on thin ice worried which step will send us plummetting into the icy water below.  I’ve fallen into the icy water before looking for the surface trying hard to save myself.  I can’t help think it would be so much easier to just drown and give up, but the instict to survive and to fight for our lives together always wins.

When I do save myself, I sometimes look down and see him struggling to find the surface as well. I have had many nightmares along this same story line.  I always reach out my hand to help and risk getting pulled right back into the darkness.  We have always made it back to the surface together, we either fall to the ice hugging and crying in each others arms or we are too exhausted to even look at each other.  Sometimes blame follows us back to the hole in the surface and we dog paddle at the surface trying to decide if it is worth trying to make it safely across the icy pond.  I refuse to let our relationship die in an icy pond.  Like some kind of Die Hard movie we make it out of the hole together and across the ice to safety.  We both know without speaking that someday that icy pond could devour us.

Little did I realize when he asked me to marry him it was going to be an icy proposition.  Our marriage isn’t always an icy pond, it has its seasons.  I am ready for the ice to thaw and for the spring to bring beautiful love songs and fresh flowers again. 


13 thoughts on “AN ICY PROPOSITION

  1. i was married 11 and was with her 6 years before that. been divorced 12 years. was the toughest thing i ever did, but it was necessary. was the movie “to die for” with nicole kidman?


    • i’ve coached people who have been considering separation and divorce. in some cases, my opinion was pull the trigger, but sometimes not. i’d be glad to hear more if you wanted to share. e-mail me if you wish. brainsnorts(a)


  2. I’ll mark 22 years in December. Marriage is hard. It’s a one-size-fits-all proposition in a world filled with all shapes and sizes of people. Frankly, it has never really fit me all that well. But, we’ve managed to survive somehow. I think because we both just sort of hold on loosely.


  3. Differences
    Couples always have their differences
    It is those times they can always reference
    Be positive in what you say
    Respect your partner in every way

    Friends can sometimes hinder
    Not realizing the fires they cinder
    Wise couples know each other
    Knowing how not to raise a lather

    It is good not to be the same
    You must always share the blame
    Accept the individual
    Forget the trivial



    • I want to make it to 41 years of marriage. I want the kind of love that lasts like yours did. I am so happy you follow my blog to remind me of why it is important to set long term goals. I have only been with my husband 22 years but I can’t imagine losing him. Thank you for giving me clarity and perspective.


  4. Pingback: The Curmudgeon’s Attic does an Advice Column « The Curmudgeon's Attic

  5. Pingback: The Curmudgeon’s Attic does an Advice Column (on marriage) « The Curmudgeon's Attic

  6. When we fell in love we weren’t looking for it, we were out doing other things with other people, When I saw this woman smile for the first time, it was like a arrow hitting an apple on ones head in a carnival show. It went straight and it went true, straight in my heart. For me there was no chance, even though I was walking out of my friends house for a date with another woman, there was me at 26 wearing a black Stetson cowboy hat, my just shined Dan Post cowboy boots and a silver buckle the size of a dinner plate. For her it was the moment I looked back through the door as I was leaving, smiled and told her it very nice to meet her. Needless to say I was occupied during the whole date with the vision of that smile burned into my heart. Of course I argued with myself also saying, you don’t need this right now you just got out of a 6 year marriage. But that didn’t stop that smile from reaching back into my brain and straight into my heart. I have been married to that smile for 14 years and even to this day, when she smiles and gives that little laugh I fall in love all over again.


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