#OctPoWriMo2018 I am dedicating October to the reason I started my blog. Depression. It’s the scariest thing I have ever had to deal with. It is still the scariest thing I have to deal with. Depression is a constant. It will never go away. It snuck up on me. I was always anxious but depression……
I remember the pain of not being able to move past certain experiences. It’s a hard one for many who have lived long enough to have accumulated some shit along the way. I know so many people who go through things and for one reason or another just assume it’s a normal way of being. …
I promise I won’t lie I am broken Slashed open Innocence stolen And parts of me Are provoked By the throat Of a ghost Forming words That cursed The world I see Coerced and hurt A past rehearsed For many decades I constantly revert And my heart blurts It’s pain into reality And my…
My jaw clenches My fingernails Yearn to scratch At layers of skin My joints ache Rigidity laced Stand like a statue Hold still, hold still Breathe in slow Hold… maybe Forever if you can Fix your stare On a calmer future Moments past this Tick tick tick Final loud tock Exhale Open your eyes Look…
I’ve been thinking a bunch about the last decade of my life. Much of it was captured right here on this blog. I’ve been absent lately. Life just had a way of demanding my attention. Holding me accountable. Changing me. Healing me. And as I look at the things I’ve written… I barely recognize this…
When I experienced bad bouts of anxiety and depression I would isolate. I still do. Avoid socializing. Avoid commitment. Avoid stimulation. I would escape into my own head and look for comfort there. But I would never find it. When someone with depression reaches out to talk and they are scolded or told to just…
I used to blackout when I drank. Not always but quite often. Blackout doesn’t mean you act any differently than your inebriated self would act. It just means you won’t remember what you did, what you said, or where you went. Your memory was too drunk to record. Therefore, no memory. Swimming motion Blurs the…
You find yourself free of a toxic relationship. But how free? Don’t let the memories keep you tangled in the past. Find a way to unravel them and use them to propel yourself into a future free of cobwebs. Trying like mad to untangle The last torturous threads Of our fucked up history Knotted webs…
I’m paralyzed Inside thoughts I’ve overanalyzed Finding demons I’ve devised I’m not surprised It’s an everyday Compromised and Fertilized in fear And perfectly Standardized Inside my mind Clarified and Glorified amen My logic vaporized An ineffective virucide No longer quarantined And left to colonize Inside your love *I was thinking about Alien today and wanted…
I’m a big fan of honesty. I think if we hurt we should speak. We shouldn’t suffer in silence. But I have learned, over and over again, not every feeling or emotion needs to see the light of day in order for us to heal. In fact, voicing certain feelings can be harmful to other…
HASTYWORDS 