A friend asked me if I had ever tried to meditate. I told him I had tried but my mind sounds like a crazy drunken concert crowd. Always loud. Always rowdy. He sent me some links to try and I tried. I fell asleep with a quiet mind. It was strange.
This morning I woke up with one thought in my mind. What if I am the problem? What if I looked at the world with the knowledge that I am the problem and the solution? What if all this time I thought I had no power to change anything and didn’t try just to find out I held all the power to do everything?
Of course, it is a ridiculous line of reasoning.
But what if…
In all cases, when one is alone, they will be with themselves. It is when one is alone that they must either face themselves or deny themselves. To deny themselves is a great injustice. It leads to corruption of the heart and soul. It leads to unhappiness and a warped sense of self.
To face oneself takes courage. They will often times discover they are sorcerers of manipulation and carriers of social disease. And if they look long enough they will find a pile of bones, skeletons long ago forgotten, in a closet somewhere locked away. They will come across traps laid and lies told maliciously. Many of those lies (and the most destructive) will be the lies they told themselves. Those lies will be justified as being techniques of survival but are lies all the same.
To face oneself takes heroism. It is extremely painful and many will avoid it at ALL costs. They will continue looking to others for acceptance and they will believe all the ridiculous things people will believe about them. The will bow down to the abusive names they are called and they will weep. And then they will fall into the pit of despair they alone have dug.
To face oneself takes willfulness and compassion. Because to face oneself is to finally care enough to embrace humanity. To embrace mistakes and imperfection. To realize they are both a monster and an angel. That they are both light and dark. That they are indeed in control of the amount of love and hate they dispense into the world.
We are all so very magical. We possess so much power. We get stuck on our flaws and our illnesses. We get stuck believing we are ALL the things anyone has ever said about us. WE do and continue to do horrible things to ourselves believing that it is good to torture ourselves in order to grow ourselves.
To face oneself is to win. Everyone is capable of love and forgiveness. But it starts with the self. A person is many things. Both good and evil. But to face oneself is to win happiness.
What if we are the problem? What if we are the solution?
If enough of us finally decided to face ourselves the world would be the beautiful place we all dream of. Change. It starts with you. It starts with me.