I originally wrote this piece for a Daily Prompt in 2013 regarding faith. It started out about faith but became sort of a letter to my husband. Some things take time to understand fully.
Relationships are hard… but should they be?
Marriage…to someone who is not of the same faith was the first time I really had to sit down and examine my own. Over the years…there have been some very big obstacles to overcome… me a Christian… my husband (undetermined).
In marriage, you can easily grow apart if you lose sight that you booked a flight for two. My husband and I have been together for 25 years. We have always pointed our lives in the same direction. We have always been a couple that I would have envied if I had been single. Then something happened: the marriage flight we were on must have landed for a layover, then the layover turned into a delayed flight.
Eventually we had some maintenance work done and we were back in the air, although, this time the flight seemed a bit bumpier than normal. It wasn’t the brain tumor I discovered and had removed. Not the child we decided to have. Nor was it the strain of building a new house. Or the stress of our jobs. We were used to conquering these types of things together. We were a team and we worked well together.
It was something else.
It was the sporting events I stopped going to with him. It was the weight I had lost and the new self confidence I had gained. It was all my new friends. I had started sharing my love with more and more people and the love I had for my marriage was becoming too thin. Eventually, came the emergency landing… we needed more fuel… we needed to land and rest a bit… we needed to strand ourselves on a deserted island.
The plane we were on was once a solid plane capable of flying at the highest altitudes, but for now the passengers need to stretch their legs a bit. This is a very personal letter I wrote to my husband a few years ago. Once upon a time you inspired me. Your heart, your eyes, your smile captured me. It was a perfect storm of timing that drew me closer with each passing day. Stories were told, feelings shared, adventures planned. Your smile made my smile happy, your eyes made my eyes linger, your heart made my heart love, your arms are where my arms found comfort. And with each passing day we found deep, unspoken , and psychic connections; physical connections binding us for eternity.
The bonding turned into a celebration of marriage, of our mutual respect and promise to always treat each other in the best interest of ourselves. A promise to hold onto our mutual values, to evolve with each of our individual changes, as one person, no longer separated in spirit. We vowed, in front of all those we will take on our journey of connection, to love each other as we will never love another until death do us part.
The journey began with surprise dates to places never been, holding hands and sneaking kisses, talks about the future and plans for success, fixing up the first living space while laughing through paint fumes, collapsing in laughter that seemed to last forever. We created memories one after another. I watched as you cleaned the cat box at the car wash and ended up with kitty litter all over your face and arms. I still cringe when you drive on snow for fear you will end up in another neighbor’s yard. We bark at the moon every time we road trip.
I loved how you played invisible drums with your fingers and grunted in time with the beat. How warm and inviting your shoulder was when we first go to bed and then at the perfect time we rolled over and said goodnight. I loved our morning mantra’s before you disappeared for work. The solid routines, the shared chores, the financial plans, the insurance plans, the employment options, making decisions about family. We were always on the same page, we planned, we negotiated, we respected, and even through the fights we maintained the love we promised we would always strive for. Then we took a leap of faith and decided to have a child.
It was scary, exciting, exhausting, beautiful, and every word used to describe love that could be uttered. She brought a whole new meaning to shared values, respect, loyalty, love and morality. She taught us so much more about ourselves and about each other. Looking at her will always reflect the unity that is us. She is the embodiment for only a short while longer of who we once were.
I am not sure when it all changed because it wasn’t a single moment in time, an event, or even a particular action. It was a season of times, events, and actions that led to the precipice we find ourselves dangling from. We are two people standing on the edge of the globe wondering what uncertainty lies ahead.
Options swim feverishly in the oceans churning deep within our minds. Waves crash with a deafening loudness resounding urgent echos into the skull.
STOP the wind cries, STOP WAITING the valley rebuts.
STOP the birds sing, STOP WAITING the rivers churn.
STOP the clouds thunder, STOP WAITING the dirt disputes.
The world stops; we are on a stage waiting to see how the dramatic turmoil will end. Will they walk away hand in hand only to return at another undetermined time? Will they stand looking at each other forever questioning why they are stuck in the precarious position they find themselves in? Will one decide to walk away leaving all the jealousy, regret, pain, hatred and anger behind and begin a new journey on their own path leaving the other to either jump alone or retreat in a separate direction? Or will they let the tears that glisten in each others eyes heal their hearts?
Once a heart is healed and a bond is fixed then a precipice becomes something to fly over not something to plunge into. Isn’t it worth finding the moment we can both fly off into a new future! Whether together or apart our future is better supporting each other.
Love is about recognizing when something doesn’t work anymore and then letting those broken ways go.
We were always better friends than we were ever anything else.
I love you my friend
Always and forever