#BeReal – SAMARA SPEAKS

My #BeReal guest today is Samara Speaks.

That isn’t her real name but it is the one I have always known her by.  Facebook wants me to know her by another name so  they deactivated her account asking her to #BeReal.  But Samara is who she is. Samara IS real.

I practically begged her for this post.  I wanted to know what it was/is like without facebook.  I asked her for her real thoughts because I knew she would give them to me.

She has become one of my closest friends and when we aren’t shining light on each others darkness we are talking about deep topics such as emotions and love and…

I am so very happy to present to you my lovely friend Samara!


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Breaking Up With Facebook: Getting to the Other Side Of An Addiction I Didn’t Know I Had

I quit Facebook the same way I quit heroin – an immediate, brutal, complete cold turkey withdrawal forced upon me by others.

While taking a self-imposed 2 day Facebook break, my account became deactivated. Apparently, my online prostitution ring raised some red flags.

No! I use a pseudonym. And so I was thrust into a situation not of my design. Rather than immediately bounce back on with another profile, I decided to lean heavily into the experience and document it as a social experiment in being #Real.

Initially, I WAS going to get back on quickly. But 2 days in, I became violently ill with a virus so debilitating I couldn’t move. The first night i was feverish to the point of slipping in and out of consciousness. Frightened, I contacted a close friend via text message and tried to convey to him my desperate fear that I was losing consciousness.

Because he was multitasking on Facebook messenger, I was not able to get his full attention or communicate the urgency of the situation. I felt like I was trapped in a cheezy horror movie; screaming that my life was in danger. Only, it came out in a hoarse whisper that no one heard.

When my brain finally began burning with the fire of 10,000 bottles of Srirachi, and I started having visions worthy of the Nations Crystal Meth Hallucination League, I gave up expecting help from my Facebook friend who was very busy, sending Ermagherd memes. I made an actual phone call to someone who just might have saved my life.

That was the night I broke up with Facebook

Post-Breakup

The next few days were nightmarish.

I was so sick I couldn’t leave my house. I was completely alone, and not in any condition to have anyone over. I couldn’t even make it downstairs. I was able to speak on the phone, and get on the computer, sporadically. But without being on Facebook, for many people – I ceased to exist. Many of my friendships had been more site-specific than I anticipated.
I craved voices. Complete isolation left me hungry for authentic human interaction.

Losing contact with the majority of my online friends while my brain was intertwined with illness played tricks on my psyche. I had ceased to exist for many people, and in my fragile state, I joined them in this belief.

By the time I had sweated out my fever, I’d also managed to expel the toxins that made me believe I had to log onto Facebook to authenticate my life.

It’s Psychological

In the last month I did some reading on the psychology of Facebook’s allure (shut up I’m a nerd). Facebook use is motivated by two primary needs: (1) The need to belong and (2) the need for self-presentation.

Facebook gives the illusion of companionship. It reduces perceived level of loneliness, although there’s no correlation between Facebook use and increased offline social interaction. We FEEL less lonely on Facebook, so we stop seeking meaningful companionship. In this way, the cycle perpetuates itself.

The studies also show that people who are anxious or have low self-esteem are more likely to post self-promotional photos constantly, i.e., photos on their wall.

But I wonder, how does documenting your life through photos help soothe anxiety or increase self esteem? By letting others share our joy? Or by proving that we’re having the good time that the pictures paint?

When I see a photo from an event or a vacation, I appreciate it. IT. But when the parade of images is endless, depicting every inch of minutiae, I can’t help but think, “these people are having a terrible time and trying to distract themselves before they start tazing each other.” How much can you be really be sinking into an experience if you’re posting pictures of it, commenting, answering and liking every one else’s comments, multiple times in a day? Even if you’re super fast, you’re constantly focusing away from #Real life, and into the cyber chamber of your own echoes.

I live in an area where image is more important than reality. People drive cars they struggle to pay for and live in houses they can’t afford. In this arena of pointless one-upmanship, my Facebook feed this summer is nothing more than a photo journal of America’s relationship with credit.

I’m keenly aware that I offer an edited version of myself for my Facebook audience. For example, I can post “Had an amazing date but drank too many margaritas by the beach with my Cute Guy.” Now I sound like a vibrant single mom. But I won’t post, “Just limped into the driveway, doing the 6am mascara-smeared Walk of Shame.” That makes me sound like a fucked-out desperate housewife.

And without Facebook at all? Who am I, if I’m not funny, brash and quirky Samara, posting on her wall about her childhood pet chicken and her prison pen pal?

I don’t have the answers. But I may be asking the right questions.

We collectively embrace the delusion that sharing our experiences as we have them validates them. In reality, isn’t the compulsion to post each moment on Facebook a desire to disconnect from the #real world, because Facebook world is more enjoyable? I read multiple studies showing that the Facebook selves appeared to be socially desirable identities that individuals aspired to have offline, but don’t.

Facebook Addiction

So. Facebook Addiction.

It’s a Thing.

The symptoms varied slightly from study to study, but generally are: spending hours a day on Facebook, preferring Facebook world to real world, being obsessed with responses to your status updates, not being able to go a day without logging on, communicating via Facebook repeatedly with people who live in the same house you do, and the obsession to report everything as it’s happening.

I possess enough of these traits to know that I needed a detox. But one I cannot fathom. I’ve discussed it before, ironically enough, on Facebook. How meta.

People who live in the same house, are in the same room, but post on Facebook to each other.

My marriage had a lot of problems, but I can’t tell you how overjoyed I am that we fell in love before the social media explosion. Although, if I were married today, I doubt that I would communicate to my spouse on Facebook.

What IS that? I understand doing it occasionally, but constantly? I want so very much to see it as the playful bantering of people who care deeply for one another. But it stinks of desperation. The only relationship you’re strengthening is yours with your social media addiction. If you crave real connection, walk over to him and talk to him. If you see something he would like, can you not feel complete getting it for him until your Facebook audience has “liked” it sufficiently? If my husband talked to me via Facebook all the time, instead of one-on-one, I’d feel like he was fucking me without looking me in the eyes. And I’d know our marriage was in trouble.

The truth is, in our desire to be “connected” we have become so disconnected. Everywhere you look, people stare into their phones. Alone together.

I’m not against this tide. I love certain aspects of Facebook.

But perhaps we need to think about the desire to capture every moment and how that interferes with our ability to LIVE each moment.

28 Days Later

So what happened during the month I was off Facebook?
I’ve had time to do things I haven’t done, or done enough of, in YEARS. I played guitar. Took walks on the beach. Wrote. TOOK NAPs. That’s right, people, read it and weep. I had time to fucking nap.

That’s the good news. The bad news is, I lost friends. Off of Facebook, I have become inconvenient to communicate with. It has been eye-opening. And although I’m not angry, going forward with these people, I will be more specific about the way in which I cultivate the landscape of our “friendship.” Because the truth of it is, even though people kept telling me they “missed me,”

I NEVER WENT ANYWHERE.

I’VE BEEN RIGHT HERE, ALL ALONG.

Anyone who wanted to contact me, was able to.

Friends emailed me. Texted me. Called me. Skype’d with me. Whats App’d me. Said hi on Instagram. DM’d me on Twitter. Sent mother fucking smoke signals to my teepee.

Without Facebook, my friends have had to put in a little extra effort to stay in touch with me and I with them. Off the tech grid, we’re forced to do it, old school.

Online world is easy to fake. Real life takes work.

Is that bad?

No.

Inconvenient?

Probably.

Real?

COMPLETELY.

By the time this article is published, I’ll most likely be back on Facebook. There’s the catch. Because in order for me to reach the widest audience possible, to warn of the insidious dangers of Facebook duplicity, I need to be on Facebook.
But now that I’ve broken the habit of staring down at my phone, I’m going to keep it that way. I want to look up at people and see the faces of the other unconnected.

I want to hear the sounds around me.

Now, when I walk along the beach, I want to listen to the sea gulls, and feel the ocean breeze on my face.
Instead of posting about it.

 

 

Are you addicted to Facebook?

Talk to me. I’m listening.


11058154_1607400409530174_6745493633321047786_nBIO: Samara is the no-holds-barred, six-times Freshly Pressed blogger at A Buick in the Land of Lexus. She mixes honesty with humor in high definition, first-person story telling.
Samara has been featured on Scary Mommy, BLUNTmoms, Mamapedia, Mamamia, and Human Parts. She is also a founding member of The Sister Wives blog,
She lives in New Jersey with her son Little Dude, the coolest 11-year-old kid on the planet.
Follow her on Twitter and Instagram.

149 thoughts on “#BeReal – SAMARA SPEAKS

  1. I have good reasons for my addiction, but I’m glad you are happier without yours. Nice to be free of that draw, I suspect, but I’m not ready to face the hollows and dark corners of my Real yet.

    I’m definitely a junkie for it, but having been off of that site whilst ill, yes…I do getcha in terms of seeing how quickly people drop away or don’t worry. It’s kind of lovely to know that for some I *do* exist beyond it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a barometer of sorts, I suppose. You find out who will go the extra mile. It doesn’t have to define the friendship, but it’s useful information, I think.

      My Real is filled with dark corners. I don’t think I covered how awful it feels sometimes to have to face it without the crutch of Facebook.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I have a little recovery envy, I think. I like Facebook but it’s like a frenemie. I don’t feel the need to belong but I get that it’s part of what we do. I’ve taken breaks from it and I don’t miss it, I just miss some of the people. But, like you said, those are the people that I know how to get to in other ways.
    You bring up such interesting points here. It’s almost as if we’ve become wired one way. It’s been strange not to see you on FB, though, I have to admit.
    I’m sorry you were so ill. That sounds horrifying and I hope you are doing much better now.
    For the record, if I had your phone number, I’d totally call you and be there for you. I’d even give you mine which I guard with my ever loving life.
    Just so you know.

    Liked by 2 people

    • That’s so nice to know, Sandy!

      Facebook is, like most things, a mix of good and bad. I think balance is the key here. But I’m not good at doing anything in moderation.

      Like

  3. Addicted to fb, yes. I know that right now I’m dealing with lots of people just “being mean” on fb. Hiding behind the screen. I’m NO exception. I do the same thing. Just as guilty. Even if I’m not berating someone or something, I’m sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong. Stalking pages….
    1)oh, she looks ugly in that pic 2)Look who she is sleeping with! 3)Im bored, I’m going to poke the bear
    Fb has changed me. My routines. It’s unfortunately the first and last thing I do every day. I need a change. Bad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • That’s one thing I’m not really exposed to – a lot of meanness on facebook. Haven’t really seen too much of that, thank goodness.

      WHY would anyone post an ugly picture? The whole point is to put up only the best of the best. Isn’t that why we love FB?

      Like

  4. Holy hell, YES! YES! I’m still laughing at your “friend” who was unreachable because they were too busy posting “ehrmagerd memes” Bahahaha!!! (Asshole) And the couples who “speak” to each other on FB, what the hell is that? I mean, Joe and I did it once over a photo I posted but I immediately made fun of us in front of the whole world that is FB.

    This is the problem with FB though. I’ve known you since almost my blogging birth. And I felt a connection to you via your words and comments and a few precious emails. But FB is where we kind of got to communicate and know each other a little better and have conversations. You and Lizzi and a handful of other people. I watched my “blog friends” evolve into real friends. I don’t crave escape on FB (well, occasionally), but I do love that I have been able to connect and bond with some very special people who otherwise would maybe have just been distant blog acquaintances. Now I don’t need FB to communicate with you or Lizzi, and a few others. And I LOVE that.

    I love my social media sabbaticals. I am mostly unplugged on the weekends and when my kids are home and not on Playstation or their phones (< yes, I know.) And I'm still trying to figure out how to use FB for good (promoting my writing) and not let it be a colossal timesuck.

    As for you? I love you whether you are on FB or not. ❤

    Liked by 5 people

    • Well, like most things, FB lives in the gray area. It’s not inherently good or bad – it’s how you use it. Yes, I’ve had some of the funniest, hilarity-filled nights on Facebook. Like that time when your mother appeared in the conversation? That was priceless. And yes, you can really get to know people better.

      Or can you? Who IS that you’re getting to know? I’m not entirely sure that who people are on Facebook is who they are.

      I think it’s wonderful that you don’t use FB to escape. I can actually tell that about you. You don’t post every breath you take. That speaks volumes. xoxoxoxoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Pingback: Breaking Up With Facebook: Getting to the Other Side Of An Addiction I Didn’t Know I Had « A Buick in the Land of Lexus

  6. I can complete relate to this! I used to be a Facebook addict, these days I am so much better. I can actually stay off of it for a few days now and not get upset or all shaky and irritated. I think it’s hiliarous though the people who don’t think that they are addicts, just because they don’t post something on there every two seconds. Yet, they are in social situations scrolling through everything and yet they used to pay me out as I sit there actually interacting with other humans. Facebook addiction is an interesting thing, I think there are different sub-groups!

    Like

    • I’m not sure about the anxious, low self esteem thing.

      I think the constant posting is more about convincing the world, and ultimately yourself, that you’re having a great life. I post, therefore I thrive. xoxoxo

      Like

  7. Yeah… FB has become the Matrix, and you are a traitor if you want out. I’m glad that we were able to connect outside of its Orwellian walls. It was nice to know that you were thinking of me.

    Like

  8. This is great. I’ve been thinking about this a lot. For me, personally, it extends way beyond Facebook because I don’t spend a lot of time on social media anyway, but I do spend a lot of time on WordPress. I do spend a lot of time text messaging people.

    And while it’s beautiful that we can stay connected to people, the trade-off can be disconnection in the present. In the now. Standing right here. Because we’re not really here, then.

    And then we wake up and die, and maybe a few people say “RIP Matt” on Facebook, and a few others “like” it.

    Like online dating has made it so easy for people to shirk courageousness and friendliness for the safe confines of Swipe Left or Swipe Right or “Emilee winked at you!” while you’re sitting alone on your couch, Facebook has made it too easy for people to disengage with actual participating in their own lives.

    The internet, like many great things, is a blessing and a curse.

    Thoughtful pieces like this, Samara, help people think about what it really means to live.

    Thank you for writing it, and thank you Hasty for hosting. Good shit. xo

    Liked by 3 people

    • I promise that when people say “RIP Matt” on Facebook I will NOT like it.

      Yep, FB is one of those things that can be great or terrible, depending on how you use it. Just like heroin.
      No, NO not at all like heroin! Heroin is bad, BAD!

      By the way, ignore Emilee. She has a tic.
      xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

    • It was. I had to edit it out of the story, but I just commented to Ken that I hallucinated that the freakin cat from The Matrix was trying to warn me stuff. Freaky.
      Thank you for caring. xoxox

      Liked by 1 person

  9. My mother recently emailed me that she missed me – she hadn’t seen anything new from me on Facebook in a while. So she had to take a moment between being obsessed with her new boyfriend Bob and practically living with the new boyfriend Bob to email me. I still have an actual landline… which hardly rings anymore unless I miss a credit card payment.

    Liked by 3 people

    • They’re freaking vultures. I can have a balance of $16 and they’ll CALL me about it. Really? It probably costs more to call me than I owe.

      I guess your mother likes Bob, huh? Does he have a brother?

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I guess I am addicted to Facebook, too, but I’m mostly just stalking rather than posting: I get news, events, memes, keep up with friends, but rarely post – it’s a busy posting month for me if I posted more than five times. I’ve actually unfollowed people for posting to many selfies and updates about their every meal and gym visit, and that’s the thought that keeps me from posting more – whether I look like the same self-absorbed narcissistic asshole.
    Of course, that still means that I am also carefully cultivating my Facebook image. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • OMG those people that post every move they make. Do I really need to know that your cat has gingivitis? What is that, some kind of venereal disease? Keep him off the street!

      You’re hot and cool, X. You don’t have to cultivate anything. xo

      Like

  11. I guess I was aware that some people are addicted to the big ‘F’. I mean, I wouldn’t miss it at all. On a blog, strangers say I am awesome. On Facebook, friends and family pretty much ignore me. I just use it to say happy birthday to people when it reminds me to.

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Yep… Been there, done that! Me and Facebook had a parting of the ways a couple of years ago. It was hard, but being on there put my marriage at serious risk. It wasn’t the ONLY thing we had issues with, but it was a big one. I miss it a little bit sometimes, but I so appreciate others who make the effort to be my friend OFFLINE! I crave real human contact. I need to hear voices, see people in person, feel a hug when I’m blue. Can’t do that online….
    Thanks for sharing! I am with ya 100% and glad I kicked my addiction! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • I’ve heard Facebook screws up a lot of marriages. People look up ex boyfriends and girlfriends who they otherwise would never find. No bueno.

      I don’t think I’m gone for good, but I’m glad you kicked your addiction and helped your marriage. xo

      Liked by 1 person

  13. Great post. I mostly use Facebook to keep in touch with family and friends who are scattered throughout the world. In that way it has been a great tool but otherwise I have not a lot of interest in the platform.
    I admire your honesty and candor.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Excellently timed. I recently deleted Facebook off my phone and………poof I completely would forget to check it! It also made me aware how often I would whip out my phone and be like “Oh, let me check Facebook” and then couldn’t cuz the app was gone. When faced with being forced to log-in via the internet on my phone I had to ask “does it really matter?” and most of the time it was a no. I later caved and put it back on my phone and within 2 days was compulsively checking it. Deleted it again with a stern talking to myself.

    Liked by 2 people

  15. I love this so much! I have a love-hate thing with FB. I love fb because I keep in touch with a *few* friends from high school (who were ACTUALLY my friends in HS), and my family, who are far and scattered. And my kids, especially the college one, who I can actually see in photos, so yay.

    I HATE FB for all the same reasons you describe so well, and I’m constantly clicking through my (short) ‘friends’ list with my chin in my hand, going “hmm, who else can I take OFF this list?” So, my list is ever-shortening. I also will UNfollow any my ‘friends’ at any given time if I see so much as a single “20 DAYS TILL ITALY” or “HAWAII HERE WE COME” post. Also, too many political/religious/activist/what-my-kids-did-all-day/beachphotos/coffeephotos/selfies will get you off my list.

    I also have an ultra-ultra-ultra-strict rule about no guy friendships on FB, too, except family, because that’s just a lot of weirdness that I don’t want, and I wouldn’t appreciate my husband being on there and having every ex-girlfriend as a ‘fb friend’. No.

    Actually I better stop talking now. I have so much to say about fb so much that I actually had to write like 2 really long blog posts about it, so …yeah.

    GOOD FOR YOU for getting out, sister! Stay strong.

    ps– glad you didn’t die because that would really suck. And someone should make a meme like ERMAGERD ERM SERCK! for people like your ‘busy’ friend.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. You nailed it, Samara. In this age of social media “connectivity” we’ve become more disconnected than ever. True communication involves body language, voice change, eye contact (or not), and we’re slowly forgetting how to utilize those forms of language. I see it in my kids more and more — feelings and emotions edited to text-speak. My family and I spent the day at an amusement park Sunday and we declared it a “device-free” day except for music in the car. It was like watching our kids come out of a fog.

    Glad you came away from your Facebook DTs with a new perspective, and I’m even more glad you decided to share it. Good to see your Face again, too 😉

    Liked by 3 people

  17. Pingback: Our Fake Lives | Must Be This Tall To Ride

  18. I use it to find news I might not find elsewhere. I also have learned that people contact me via FB as much as via my web site and as an author that’s important. And then use it as as platform for posting my blogs….But I’m mildly addicted, yes. Is there mild addiction? Or is that just wild addiction spelled upside down?

    Liked by 1 person

    • It’s a super important tool for promoting my blog, and in that way, it’s been a loss. I think it’s necessary for writers.

      Mildly addicted sounds very manageable. I don’t do anything in moderation. That’s what I’m aiming for, when I go back to FB.

      Like

  19. You are real. And amazing. And I absolutely love you to pieces. I feel like I connected with you–REALLY connected with you when we took it off Facebook. And for that, I am forever grateful. ❤ xoxoxox my sweet friend.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Samara, I have to tell you I’ve missed you on Facebook. I always enjoyed seeing you there. (DUHDUHDUH, I shall connect with you elsewhere right now.)

    I wrote a satirical piece for Scary Mommy about this very issue a couple of weeks ago. Man, was I hated. Because you’re so right………people use Facebook to feel connected, but we’re more disconnected than we’ve ever been. Most people don’t even see that, because they’re too busy keeping up with Facebook. I can hardly get my IRL friends to get together. I’ll say again that I’ve missed you, but I completely understand the desire to stay free of it.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. You really touched a nerve with me. I KNOW I waste a lot of time on FB. I hate it and cannot stop – so yeah – addiction. You’ve inspired me to limit myself completely. Guess I need to really start using Instagram as an alternative.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Instagram is good, because I get on and get off. And I still have a sense of what’s going on with online friends.
      Give it a try. Thanks for reading xoxoxo

      Like

  22. Good post, Samara. 🙂

    I took myself off Facebook a couple of years ago. I found it to be too intrusive, time-wasting and in many ways, just ridiculous. I also became worried about my privacy. (Privacy? What’s that?) I agree that there are advantages to Facebook, but the disadvantages outweigh them, imho. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • There IS no privacy on Facebook. Anything you message about to someone, turns up in your feed.
      It’s alarming. I switched to WhatsApp for personal conversations, even before I left facebook.

      Like

  23. Misread as “…the same day I quit heroin…” That was a startle.

    I had no idea using a pseudonym was verboten. What good is a pseudonym to marketers? None. How’s Zuck supposed to make any money that way?

    Fascinating read. I’ve never had a Facebook profile because I know me and I know I’d get into all sorts of horrible trouble for it. Occasionally, I’ll pick up the iPad at home and it’ll be open to my Bride’s Facebook page. I’ll scroll through (she knows and doesn’t care) and it’s all nonsense. Look at my life! It’s better! It’s best! I’ve said it before: Facebook is the devil’s playground.

    I’m not above it all. I’m addicted to my phone. Wish I wasn’t.

    Betcha this gets FP’d. You heard it here first.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Ugh–the tyranny of big-name internet companies. I tried to post some stupid video on YT once as TTD (to keep some semblance of anonymity there), but, since Google sucks ass, the only way I could do that was by Google changing EVERYTHING about me (yes, even gmail) to TTD. No frickin’ way was I going to correspond with my daughter’s teachers as “Trailer trash.” I could change emails, or log out of one computer and log in with a different name and email, or something confusing as hell to me, but screw all that.
    Anyway, as usual you crack me up. Glad you’re better. Must log off WP now; have to post pics of my skin rash on FB. 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  25. Ugh, I just screwed up my comment by reblogging with my comment but I fixed it – I think!

    I remember worrying about your absence and going to my email files to find your address from our previous conversations and being pissed off that I couldn’t find them or your email address. Then going to your blog to your about page to look for your email when suddenly I see a comment on my blog from YOU! You had told me that you were taking a break and about getting sick but although I wished you well, I never followed up and checked up on you again. I’m just as guilty as the next addict!

    FB for me, has been mostly a positive experience. I spend so much time resting in bed alone that any outside contact be it on social media is welcome! Most of my friends work during the day so it can get lonely. I do have a nice group of girlfriends who love to eat and drink with me on a weekly basis (thus the weight gain) and I do realize how lucky I am to have a husband I not only love but actually like being with! I have noticed though that I now hate to talk on the phone. I will contact someone every possible way as long as it’s not by a phone call. What’s up with that?

    You really captured the severity and sadness of this addiction and reminded us of how aware we need to remain in order to stay real. This segment Hasty id doing is excellent! Te quiero mucho (for reals)! xo

    Like

  26. Yes. Truthiest post maybe ever.
    I meant to say all these words.
    I freaking hate Fakebook. I know it’s the highlight reel of life, nobody wants to hear negative things. Except me. Because that’s reality. Life is hard and I swear. So I broke my addiction w Twitter, the methadone to FB’s heroin. It’s better, even though my tweets are mostly ignored. No arguing!

    Liked by 1 person

  27. You are a very silly bitch. You know where I live, and you were sick, and needed help, and you didn’t call me? You have my info. I didn’t have any of yours, and I miss you. I could take a walk on the beach…

    Liked by 1 person

    • People offered to come by. Have you ever been so sick, you couldn’t face anyone? That’s what it was like. I was feverish and puke-tastic. Not up to having company.

      Thank you for always caring, Donna. xoxoxo

      Like

  28. i get this. I deactivated last year for a month and people were confused. I definitely hve to keep my motives and addictive nature in check with Facebook.
    right now I keep it bc of my family. I keep my page to bring laughter and inspire .
    I just had a convo with friend about giving middle finger to the popularity validation portion of it. great blog. u r an amazing writer.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Wow thanks for this samara! I did miss you on FB but don’t know you well enough to reach privately but him happy you’re feeling better now! Thankfully I have my weekly unplug day (sabbath) which I wouldn’t trade for the world. Although I am kind of addicted on FB, I post quite little about my private life. I can really say that I have a normal real life social life as none of my real life friends and family are on Facebook which is great. The way couples communicate on FB makes me roll my eyes non stop! And thankfully no internet on my devices besides wifi so when I’m out, I’m out and present!

    Liked by 1 person

    • What IS that couples thing? I really don’t understand it. Do they like one another, or are they trying to SHOW everyone that they like one another? I mean the people who do it everyday. Please help me understand this. hahahahah

      Like

  30. Oh and as long as you haven’t met in real life, an online friend is just an online friend. I had someone fall off the fb earth and although I still wonder if she is ok, no one else seemed to be bothered by the fact that she dropped off with no warning. So for me, I appreciate my online friends but I know it’s just not the same and never will be.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Yesssss!!!
    So much to love/hate about FB. Every time I think about deleting my account, I come across a great article or pictures of my nieces and nephews and just can’t pull the trigger.

    I used to be really addicted and now, with self-imposed breaks, I am much better. I don’t post all that much (~1/week), but I certainly get into a “liking” time suck. The other part I don’t like about the FB is the lack of privacy combined with the randomness. Once (ahem), I “liked” a photo of a hot dude without a shirt. Guess who sees that and questions me immediately? My mother in-law. So then I decide to not “like” anything. Then, I post one of my blog articles, get likes, and feel guilty for not liking their stuff. REALLY!? I was never so neurotic before.
    It’s just easier to sign off, not keep the icon on my phone and hear about the funny videos from other people.
    I still have an account, but am a week into an extended FB vacation. It’s maaahvalous!
    Regarding Pinterest…well, it’s all about baby steps these days 😉

    Liked by 1 person

        • I’m practically a Pinterest virgin. Can you explain how it cost you money?
          And relationships?
          And what about men who use it? Even bloggers. Isn’t there something so lame about the men of Pinterest?
          I’m going to write a story with that title.

          Liked by 1 person

          • I popped my Pinterest cherry on a board called “Dream Gardens”
            What followed was an endless stream of pins about raised gardens, greenhouses, perennials, and starting tomatoes from seeds.
            How did it cost me money? I built much of what I pinned (raised beds) and then saved up for the greenhouse.
            How did it cost me relationships? I had to drag my husband in when I needed rock and power tools. Also – he didn’t like it when I was too tired to wear nothing but the aprons I bought/pinned from Etsy.
            I am with you on the guy thing. My manly man husband has Pinterest and I about fell over when he signed up. He pinned a few pictures of Rat Rods and then I hacked and filled his boards with dorky sayings and kitten videos. How are we still married?
            Looking forward to your next post…though, it appears that there’s already an interesting one waiting in my inbox just waiting to be read. I’ll be back soon! xo

            Liked by 1 person

  32. I have been struggling with this addiction for a while. This summer, I can’t be on as much anyway, which has been a good thing. I am lonely though, but to be honest I sometimes feel even lonelier when I am on social media all the time. I don’t feel as connected with people as it might seem on Facebook. I’ve spent a lot of time this summer thinking about what I want out of relationships and life, and I know it is not the daily addiction of social media. I just have to figure out what it is.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. YES. So well said. So, so, true. I read many snippets of this to my husband just now and he agreed. I need to take this advice. Instead of posting a million photos of my son’s face (even though it’s the cutest little face ever and I’m sure others enjoy seeing it, hehehe) how about I log off and keep some of those precious moments just for me?

    Totally guilty of the social media addiction. Blegh.

    Like

    • I don’t know about the baby thing. Because, honestly, there isn’t a whole lot of interaction when they’re infants. They mostly just gurgle and poop.

      It’s when they get older and you’re on facebook and your kid wants to hang out with you that I felt I needed to draw the line. xoxo

      Liked by 1 person

  34. Dang Samara. You sure bring out the conversation in people.

    Thank you so much for writing this for me and for allowing me to host a rock star 🙂

    By the way…. You are now the third highest viewer count in one day ever on my blog…so I will say thank you for being so generous and sharing yourself here.

    I love you…. (light club)

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Yes. It is addicting. I know so many times it is so much easier but easier doesn’t always mean its the right way to do things. I have been posting but I have also been doing more lurking and watching. Instagram however is my biggest addiction. What can I say . Photos speak to me. On our vacation I won’t say I didn’t log onto Facebook but I wasn’t on very long. Post pictures and I think I did a check in at a place or two. It was kinda nice to just be away. Thank you so much for your realness (yes its a word, I just made it one)

    Like

    • I like that word, it fits in very well with Hasty’s series. 🙂

      I just started instagram, but I already appreciate the photos and also how much less time consuming it is for me, because there are no groups.

      Like

  36. Glad you’re back, Samara! FB and really everything is so hard to navigate and balance. People all around don’t notice us when we’re gone, or they do and just don’t go out of their way to find us. Whether in real life or online. It’s amazing how easily this happens… But I have found that it’s really not about me, or you or whomever is feeling ignored. It’s about them living their lives as best they can and getting pulled into their own needs and trying to meet them. It’s not about them ignoring us, neglecting us, or offending us at all.

    I agree that when I see others constantly sharing, it makes me wonder how full their life is offline. But then I realize that if THAT is what fills them, then by all means! To each- their OWN. Love them anyway, all the way.

    Like

    • SO true, Christine. If that’s what makes them happy, then so be it. To each their own, indeed.
      And everyone does the best they can. I discovered that, as well. They love you and interact with you the best they can.
      Thank you for reading xoxoxo

      Like

  37. Yes! I toned down my existence on facebook and lost friends I had previously thought were close :/ It teaches you something.

    Like

  38. I have an addiction as well, one I’m not proud of. While I don’t mind social media in the sense that it allows me to stay connected with friends and my Route 66 community, I get tired of the time suck that it is. Rather than do something useful, meaningful or productive, I stare at the screen most of the day and silently wonder why I can’t write and am cranky as all fucking get out.

    The good news is that thanks to this self-awareness and realization, I’ve been yanking myself away from social media more often and putting my nose into the books. I’ve recently spent $50 on four new books and damn it, I am determined to read every single one of them in significantly less time than it normally takes me (read: within a month or so as compared to the 6+ months it usually does).

    Glad to have you back, my friend! Let’s chat soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. Pingback: Foot Fetishists, Dirty Panties and Other Ways to Make Money Off the Internet « A Buick in the Land of Lexus

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