So many sad things happen to us and around us that are completely out of our control.  Parents getting older and having health issues, we are getting older having our own health issues, parenting woes, war, violence, financial worries, safety concerns, abuse, neglect.  The list is endless.

I also know there are some beautiful and amazing things on the flip side. My daughter’s smile is the only one that comes to mind but they are also endless.

Why then does depression make all of those things seem apart from us?

Why does depression keep us locked inside its castle and demand we stay inside?  It keeps whispering you are worthless. You need only to look outside yourself to measure just how worthless.  Depression feels so selfish and to avoid looking selfish we ignore its existence.  We keep trying to hide the echoing words of self hate under the floorboards in our heart.

I see things around me that make me feel worthless, I find things to substantiate my claim.  And I miss all the evidence to the contrary.  My insecurity hides fairly well behind a well rehearsed smile but I can feel myself slowly exposing her and some day I will be free of her.


I don’t want to talk

Not about her

My insecurity

She is whiny and mean

And strong and selfish

The nastiest part of me

Things whir by

And she catches them

In the corner of her eye

I don’t understand

The why’s anymore

She just controls things

Tries to fill in everything

She disguises herself as logic

She is the creator of words

Setting Trigger Warnings

Like traps with steel teeth

Spring loaded waiting to wound

In the darkness, unexposed

Whispering things like

Freshly Pressed is only

For those who can write

Poetry doesn’t sell

Unless you are interesting

They are real writers


Because they make you feel

“This is shit” she screams

‘You are shit” she declares

She controls everything

She is an evil little bitch

And I am tired

Of fighting to become

What she feels is enough

So I am writing this “shit”

Against her advice

And exposing her anger

Her ugly insides


I don’t want to talk about it

I just want her

To go fly a fucking kite




  1. Now i should be one to talk of patience, however when its time has come for you to run with those you wish to be; would it truly change anything?

    My answer would be yes; Bringing a smile where it truly should be, upon you Hasty!

    WordPress is blind and cannot see!


  2. She’s a bitch
    And you’re amazing
    Every word
    Every world
    You leave me craving
    More heart
    More soul
    More poetry
    More love
    More friend
    And so, you see
    You see the thing she can’t
    You see where she is blind
    Cos let me hold you
    Whisper close
    And tell you
    She cannot see
    Nor taint
    Inside *my* mind
    And so to me
    You are

    Liked by 1 person

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