There are some things I wonder if this blog can handle.  I mean I committed to honesty and writing out my feelings no matter where they lead.  There are some things though, considering the real world (my friends, my family…they do occasionally read what I write) I am not sure I am ready to handle:  the questions, the looks, or the tempered dialogue.  I want to write but I don’t want how I am treated to change.  I keep thinking I have to write so maybe it could give others dealing with this type of thing perspective; but then that leaves me to deal with the consequences.  Is it that important to share this story?  Would it make a difference to anyone enough to take the risk?  I could start another anonymous blog but then the reader would have no one to connect the experience to and I think it is important that readers see how “normal” a person with this problem can be.  But once it is out there, it is out there and connected to me forever.

But then this is who I am and I had a dear friend tell me the first step is in ownership.  This is my ownership.  I recommend anyone going through depression not to wait to get help from a professional.  Don’t wait for rock bottom to make the choice to be better.  You can have the world, everything you need in life, but it doesn’t mean you are immune to depression.  I do not know the cause of mine or why it has decided this late in life to affect me but it has and I am determined to find out why!  I believe to my core it is nobody’s fault, not my families, not my friends, not even mine…it just is! I am determined to save my life and hopefully a few lives hanging in the balance that may read this blog.  The next several pieces I write will tell a story…


  1. writing is amazing therapy, as you demonstrate every day.
    anyone choosing not to see it as such needn’t worry you, to be honest.
    write. help. heal. explore. be you. you are a captivating you.


  2. It takes bravery to write about personal stuff, and when you do it does help others, little by little. I have the same questions in my head, with the added risk that I will actually be forced to leave the island where I live if I publish all I have written. Oh and if my husband ever bothers to read it.


  3. No be depressed! Me is you biggest fan! Like an elephant, I’m really fat. And also, I never forget.

    You imagined things when you were younger. They didn’t happen. But just because some of your hopes and dreams didn’t happen, it doesn’t mean things are bad! No, no no no, no. I said a no, no no no, no.

    I actually said that out loud. People are looking at me funny. I should NOT have done that in the restroom.

    If you’re laughing now, my work here is done…. for now.


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  6. Beginning the tale is the hardest part of the process, and I’ve been here. People will call you brave, they will champion you for doing this, and regardless it will make you feel raw and vulnerable. Know that your words will help others and take comfort in that.


  7. Pingback: TO NEW BEGINNINGS | hastywords

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