WHEN YOU ARE DEAD

When you are dead You don’t care That blemish Just a blemish Your weight Just a number The gossip Just stories The haters Just puppets When you are dead The dreams Are just movies The hopes Just a waste of time The work Just distraction When you are dead If you could wish And you…

#BeReal – JEANINE LEBSACK

My #BeReal guest today is Jeanine Lebsack. Worry and anxiety are a normal part of life.  But for some people it is a way of life.  I wake up and instead of mentally planning my day I am anxious about what lies ahead. Having a daughter makes my anxiety even worse. Please welcome Jeanine as…

DISARM ME

Tick, tick, tick, tick The ticking has teeth Biting, gnawing, jagged Razor sharp clicks Piercing rationality Tick, tick, tick, tick Silk strands of insanity Weave discourse Into complex patterns Warping sound reason Tick, tick, tick, tick Logic sits positioned On a hairline trigger Adrenaline unloads Clouding all clarity Tick, Tick, Tick, Tick An emotional time…

FORGETTING TO WORRY

Brain in a straightjacket Muzzled and bound Static filled silence Absorbing the sound Re-uptake inhibitors Selecting serotonin Gagging the ruminating Inessential problem solving Doubting, worrying, obsessing Disarming a warning system Installed imperfectly Disengaging from warfare And any poisonous thoughts Used and appropriated By an amygdala born turncoat My brain locked In its own psych ward…

TURN INTO ME AGAIN

Time came from shadows And dreams Swirled like magical clouds From my pillow Here I am he said Turn into me again The fog drifted into sheets Emotional feats Summersaulted into beats Inside my chest Here I am he said Turn into me again Darkness fell like drapes And angels Wore fishnets spun with despair…

ANXIETY FEELS LIKE

Anxiety feels like A polarized heart With a disorganized beat Tearing your insides apart Looking for a solution Inside a wired mess Of irrational pollution Buzzing electricity Of an adrenaline high As it reaches full toxicity Painfully tense muscles In a constant and rigid flex Making calm breath a struggle Anxiety feels like Emotional electrocution

MISAPPROPRIATED IMAGINATION II

When my husband leaves for work my daughter usually jumps in bed with me until we both wake up to begin our day.  She is 10 and I never once considered telling her she is old enough to stay in her own bed because for 1 hour before each day starts I am allowed to…

MISAPPROPRIATED IMAGINATION

I worry despite my best efforts NOT to worry. When I am very tired my mind will create trauma’s where none have occurred.  This is a true story UNTIL I realized I had fallen asleep… and then I woke up in a panic and my mind raced through several fictions before I was able to…

THE DEATH OF SILENCE

HAPPY HALLOWEEN! I think marriage is sometimes like being in a horror film.  Communication stops and it feels as if you are a ghost trapped inside the confines of a broken down house. The best part about a horror film though, is the ending… if you aren’t afraid to sit through it all. It can…

WILL MY EYES POP OUT?

 DO I HAVE ALZHEIMER’S? “I am worried I am getting Alzheimer’s” my daughter said as she wrinkled her forehead at me. “First, what makes you think you are getting Alzheimer’s and second, how do you even know what that is?” I asked her calmly. “Because I forgot what the word for losing your memory was…