My #BeReal guest today is Denise Geelhart.

For years, all I could think about was suicide. Then, one day, on Friday, September 13, 1996, after failing to overdose the night before, I found myself standing on an 11th story hotel balcony overlooking a beautiful beach and Diamond Head. In a moment of complete fear and despair, I took a step and fell over 110 feet to what I assumed was my death.

A tree slowed my fall (ultimately, saving my life). Never losing consciousness, I was awake to explain what happened to the EMTs who arrived to “rescue” me. While I may have been able to talk to them, I have no memory of my large step, much less anything else that happened immediately afterward.

What I do know is that it took time and therapy for me to move beyond my suicidal thoughts. (Of course, a little pill I’ve been taking since that time helped tremendously.) As a way to sort through all my thoughts and feelings I wrote. I wrote prose and poetry. It helped me heal.

Depression

Darkness

Overwhelming me

Enveloping me

into its core

Suicidal

No words describe

the feeling of complete

despair,

hopelessness,

fearfulness.

Only the weak

will understand my

search,

act,

attempt.

For something better,

beyond me that is

untouchable,

unreachable,

mine.

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Denise Geelhart is an over 40 mom to three little girls under the age of 5.  As a way to maintain her sanity, Denise writes about her life at her blog Adventures of a Jayhawk Mommy. She enjoys reading, cooking, and drinking way too much caffeine; basically anything she needs to do to survive motherhood.

Blog: http://jayhawkmommy.com
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/jayhawkmommy
Twitter: http://twitter.com/jayhawkmommy
Instagram: http://instagram.com/jayhawkmommy_93
Google+: https://plus.google.com/u/0/113990730078029735690/posts