WHAT FEAR?

Sitting here at lunch toying with the idea of opening an Etsy store. To be completely honest I’m afraid of failure. What if I put myself out there and nothing happens? I used to be more courageous. Like I could do anything ya know? But live long enough and failure becomes a reality. I failed…

CREATING LIGHT

I wish I could sit In the gold Of morning Sit into the pinks And oranges Of sunset Without having to draw A sword for the black The battle we fight When left alone To face the dark And all its monsters The fights though Bring back the light And even though I feel alone…

A THING I’D LIKE TO HIDE

My boss has walked in on me more than a few times to catch me ugly cry. He walks in and I smile… as of smiling will distract him from seeing the tears. It’s an automatic reflex. To hide my pain. I don’t cry as often these days. I try hard to take care of…

THE REASON WHY

The universe inhales Inside my brain The tiny moon And all the planets Float like dust Inside a vacuum Created and uncreated With every idea Every thought And still their existence Feels infinite

NO VITALS

Maybe the words won’t flow There is no waterfall No marching syllables Maybe the sigh doesn’t come There is no gentle breeze No soft release of air Maybe the eyes can’t see There is no rising sun No focused images Maybe there is no beat There is no thunder No vital signs

AT THE BOTTOM OF THE END

There is an edge To my sorrows I dare not trust Like a creaky bridge It sways precariously With each step I take Like a dark tunnel Promising monsters Where the silence Eats your screams Or a high ledge That is crumbling Beneath your feet And I know If I get close enough If I…

YESTERDAY’S ALTER

When finally, finally I had opened my eyes I could feel the spiders scurry from their webs And cockroaches who had thought me dead Scuttled frantically from under my bones I felt like a pile of sawdust waiting for the wind To come along and sweep me into a hurricane Back into the chaos from…

MEASURING GROWTH

Every year, about this time, I start falling hopelessly into a past that nearly killed me. 2011 was the year I turned 40. It was a pretty strange year in that I was a totally different person than I had been previously. I had lost 100 lbs and had made lots of new friends. It’s…

THE EMPTY SPACE

We were taking pictures. It was a fun night. But with most fun nights where I was hanging out with friends the anxiety was intense. I look at this picture and I see it. That fraction of a second right before the big smile that says “life is good and I am good”. Except I…

ASK FOR IT

I feel like this sometimes. It’s lack of sleep. It’s a butt load of disappointments piling up. It’s a whole lot of tired mind and tired body. And a little bit of self-destruction saying “why try” and “why do you think you deserve good things?” Reality is…. everything is fine when I feel this way.…