The person who wrote this post wanted to remain anonymous; feelings like this are not easy to own.  This post is as emotionally raw as you will read in my series this month.  It is a testimony of how bullying can have a long-term effect on a person.  I should also point out that this child wasn’t only bullied at school but was also a victim of undiscovered abuse at home.

Although I am giving this person an opportunity to voice his anger, I feel I need to say he is a wonderfully kind individual and he is a good friend.  Not all children victimized by bullies day in and day out turn out to be so kind.  Some never make it out of childhood as evidenced by all the horrendous news headlines.  It is hard to say, or spin, this kind of abuse into something positive.  In fact, I believe it is impossible.

I do believe in the power of story telling thought.  I think this voice needs to be heard.  The only positive that can come from a situation like this is if it could be used to fuel change and there is so much work to be done in regards to child abuse and preventing it. I believe a child who is abused is already at a disadvantage with bullies if they haven’t become bullies themselves.  They have no SAFE place to turn.  We NEED to find ways to protect our kids when the very people that should be protecting them aren’t.  What would you suggest?


What does bullying do to a person?

It kills their spirit.

It makes them afraid all the time.

It makes them angry all the time.

It leaves them scarred and conditioned to be afraid and defensive all the time.

Even as an adult, I find myself either avoiding confrontation altogether, in real life and online — or else seeking them out and rushing in headlong because I am just so angry.

It dehumanizes a person.

I could give you all sorts of examples of how I was bullied, and how I fought back, and the awful things I did, eyes streaming with tears of rage, to try to stop myself from being bullied. I could tell you how I tried to get up on stage in grade 9 and perform, and was laughed off the stage by a couple of seniors who thought they were being funny, and how that experience followed me for the next three years, to the point where people whose names I didn’t even know would hurl insults at me in the halls, in the cafeteria, in the classroom.

I could give you thousands of examples of how I was bullied, because bullied kids become targets, and so, I was bullied nearly every single day of my childhood.

When someone is bullied like that, it is essentially a living death sentence. EVERY day they have to get up and go to school or work, or on line and KNOW that they are going to be tormented. It makes you want to die. It makes you want to run away.

I don’t know how many times I fantasized about killing myself — and, in a cliché way, I fantasized about leaving behind that note… you know, the one that tells everyone that it is their fault, and somehow, in my fantasies, I’d be looking down and seeing their reactions.

I’ll be honest. If I had been raised in a gun culture (sorry Americans but it’s true) I might have climbed a bell tower — that’s how angry and lost and dead inside someone who is bullied feels.

Every day of their lives is torture. I know my experience has definitely coloured how I feel about how bullies should be treated. I feel hatred for very few people, but I truly hate bullies with a murderous hatred. If I had my way, bullies would be rounded up in a room and the bullied kids would all be given baseball bats and allowed to beat them within an inch of their lives. To me, bullies are unwitting murderers, because they kill without even realizing it. Every kid who is bullied will grow up a broken and fearful adult.

I know that was incredibly harsh. I’m an adult now, and I know that’s not right. But imagine trying to contain that kind of hatred as a child, and you’ll have an idea of how broken I am. How broken bullied kids are.

24 thoughts on “BULLIED UNTIL BROKEN

  1. Oh my heart! Being bullied because of my skin tone created in me a warrior spirit. I was a lucky one. So many beautiful lights have been dimmed or put out by the hateful or even careless actions of others.

    Thank you, Hasty, again!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pingback: BULLIED UNTIL BROKEN | My BlogThe Philosopher's blog.

  3. Reblogged this on galesmind and commented:
    Anyone of any age who has been bullied carries it with them for their entire life. A wounded inner child seldom heals. Talk to your children about bullying. You need to know where they are. Perpetrator or victim it diminishes the soul. Many of them carry it into adulthood and damage others. It isn’t funny. It isn’t harmless. It isn’t kids being kids. It is mean and should never ever be tolerated.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I was bullied at home and in school, I can relate to every word. It is tragic, maddening, heart breaking. I loathe a bully. As an adult I now know that I can cut people, even ‘family’ ,out of my life. And I do.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. It hurts to read this, to know how utterly we as a society have failed this boy, this adult in preventing this hurt or even giving him the support needed to help him through the trauma.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Oh how this breaks my heart to pieces… I am devastated that you had to endure so much pain- through the incessant hate and bullying of others. Your courage and strength are inspiring, and I wish I could take your past away…

    Have you ever thought about speaking? Oh, what a powerful testimony you would have- and what a difference you could make to those who suffer the way you did. THAT would be an incredible way to turn this trauma into purpose.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I think William Golding wrote it best – children truly do have the potential for Lord of the Flies-esque nightmare behaviour. I can relate, and it hurts.

    But I have forgiven (ish) because carrying that anger now is too poisonous and it stops me from living well.

    The after-effects though, I’m still combatting.

    I’m glad your author wasn’t raised in gun culture, but I can well understand the intensity of emotion and deep pain. I hope one day it lessens for him.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. It is not right, not right at all, but it isn’t new either. Bullies have been around as long as people have I suppose. I don’t understand why it is that bullies seem to draw so many to them, what makes them ‘cool’ when in fact they are jerks who shouldn’t be tolerated. If some brave souls had the gumption to call the bully out, it probably would help. Course the light would have to be shining bright so the bully’s attention isn’t simply redirected.

    Nice piece. Heartbreaking but real. Thanks to both Anonymous and Hasty for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

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