CONCEITED by Gunnar Jones

There is a song by Shane Henry named Beauty in the Struggle that I am always reminded of when I think of Gunnar Jones.  Some of the most beautiful people are thrown into some of the hardest struggles.  I am pleased to publish this guest blog written by Gunnar Jones.  You can follow him on twitter or Instagram @gunnarj09 Keep in mind he is only 21 and I am so proud of him and the commitment he has made to his goals.  I love you dear friend!

IMG_1527

When you’re told repeatedly you’re beautiful you begin to believe it.

Beauty comes with a price.  You’re no longer a person you’re an object.  An object of lust, greed, hate, obsession, and/or affection.  People look at you as something to conquer not something to hold.

I believe Marilyn Monroe was made into what she became, and because of it she became hollow.  Eventually she numbed herself to death because she couldn’t be a real person.  She couldn’t truly be loved.  She became the Miranda Lambert song “Mamas Broken Heart” but no one helped her hide her crazy.  Now take Lana Del Rey’s song “Young and Beautiful” that is my anthem.  Along with Nicki Minaj’s track “Marilyn Monroe”.

My name is Gunnar Jones and I wonder daily what will happen when my beauty fades.  I constantly go back and forth wondering whether I’m worthy to be loved.  I’ve been a cashier, an honor student, a drug addict, an actor, a model, a geek, a bitch, a self-centered self-righteous Jesus freak, homophobic, heterosexual, metro-sexual, to finally admitting to myself I am gay.

I could rant all day about my life.  About my absent father, my teenage mother (my hero), my crushed relationships, my broken heart, how tormented my mind is by what I’ve seen people do for drugs, what I’ve done myself for drugs.  About being raped, about being a stripper, about being a waiter, about the pressures of being Gay in and Anti-Gay state and how I feel everything I do will never be enough.

But instead…I challenge myself daily to love God and love others.  Without hesitation and without question.

Some might be able to imagine the hell meth’s grip had on me, or how when he gave me stitches he always said sorry.  But none will know the true purpose behind everything I’ve gone through but God.  So why?? Why would I look anywhere else for my answers?

I look at beauty as a challenge.  The world isn’t always up for it but you have to be.  Otherwise, you’ll let the world crush your beautiful heart…a heart that is truly cherished.

IMG_8886 IMG_2437 IMG_2717 IMG_6178 IMG_8687photo-7 photo1 photo-2 photo-6 SONY DSC

7 thoughts on “CONCEITED by Gunnar Jones

  1. I posted a poem today entitled When Beauty Fades…it deals with the superficial aspect of beauty, or the wrapping… what does it matter how beautiful the wrapping if the box is empty… True beauty in people is something that is not seen with the eyes it is felt with the heart…

    Like

  2. That was very touching and very honest. Gives hope to those who may be at a place were you were Gunnar. I am very glad to have read it. Glad to know that you are a Jesus Freak, 🙂 , glad to know your mother is your hero.. you have been blessed and have gone through so much in your young life. It hurt my heart to read about your stitches and how they would say sorry:-:-(, had i known you and that situation i would of beat the living crap out of them for you. ,but i am just a fan who met you through my good friends post. (Mirium Bell).. .. thank you for wrighting this. You did well .. loving you mucho..

    Like

  3. Gunnar (Will), my darling, you truly are a beautiful person, not just on the outside but on the inside as well. You are goin to be a great inspiration to many people! Don’t ever let anyone make you feel less than you are. You truly are one of the strongest people I have ever met. I’ve seen you go through the good,the bad and the ugly. When most people would’ve given up, you found faith and strength to comfort you. I’m so very proud of you, for righting your wrongs, and standing up for yourself and for the people to afraid to do so. You are, and will continue, to do great things. I cant tell you how blessed i am to call you my best friend!
    Love you
    Cat (Grace)

    Like

  4. This is the “beautiful post of the day”.. beauty is so much more than what meets the eye… I am dumbstruck by this post and it is going to stay in my mind for a long time.. Sending lots of love and good luck for Gunnar 🙂

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s