DEPRESSING EMOTION

I’ve been sober for quite some time. Aug 10, 2014 I woke up knowing I could never drink again. And I haven’t. I think about and can go back into the brain I had. I can feel all the heartsick and pain. All the ways I let the world torture me… how I tortured myself.…

SELF HATE

Sometimes you hate yourself And you think everyone else Should hate you too So you make up reasons And concoct scenarious That prove that it’s true Because if it’s true then You don’t have to focus On why you hate yourself And you can begin To defend yourself From the other person And then maybe…

LEFT BEHIND

Sometimes the walls cry Flooded by waterfalls Stones crumble then fly Leaving a pile a mile high Carvings on pieces Blood splatter dialog Rooms left behind Flooded and drained Moldy rotting floors Splinter weak doors Rooms left behind But never forgotten

THE PAST

A cavalcade of horrors Abominable explorers March around the face Barely keeping pace Ticks marking seconds As the past steadily beckons Hands running retrograde The harvester already paid Searching all the memories For every infernal enemy Be careful what you chose To reverse, repeat, rewind You have only everything to lose

DEVOURED BY BEATS

I love music. But I have to be careful with it. If I listen to sad music all day I’ll become sad. Angry music I’ll become angry. So why not always listen to happy music? Because you need balance. If you aren’t happy it could help or it could make you feel even more alone.…

GOODNIGHT

There were olives in a bowl Crickets outside the window The dishwasher was washing And my mind was ticking To do lists making demands Run on sentences colliding Memories interrogated Negotiating times and places Thoughts flipping like pancakes And emotions like cheese whiz Melting under a big orange sun I’m hungry and I’m tired And…

TRANSPARENCY

I can’t remember it The hopeless struggle The foul spirited dark Nobody left to see My sight in jeopardy I can hear the speaking Underneath the silence In between the tugs I can feel the pulls Like thread through skin Bloodless brutality I am holding breath I am purging Transparent bodies Curled up inside me…

THE LASSO

The past is a cowboy with a lasso It’s always the same Sweet memories lead to sad ones Lead to regret, lead to pain Lead to what if’s and why’s And then anger into depression So I hide anchors in the present Ways to thwart the lasso Ways to fight back, to resist The birds…

COURTEOUS GOODWILL

I’ve had a few hard weeks. Sleep has been hard. My knee is kinda a wreck. I see hurting people everywhere and I hate that. I want the world to be healthier and happier. But sigh… it’s a naive hope. It wasn’t too long ago though that I couldn’t see past my own pains. My…