I wrote this post originally in May of 2012. The memories I had trouble classifying when I wrote this post somehow ended up where they needed to be over time. I believe emotional wounds are like physical wounds. If we keep dwelling and fueling our heartache by listening to certain music, looking at certain pictures, or following certain people on social media we are picking at a wound making it hard for time to heal us. Sometimes we have no other choice but to walk away and start over… completely over. And then the healing will come.
It’s funny isn’t it? The way things are? One minute you are having the time of your life and the next reality crushes you into tiny pieces and you’re not fit to walk in the present. You look over at the person sitting next to you and think I could spend every minute, of every day, of the rest of my life right here in this perfect moment but reality persists in moving us from the past into the future. Time flies when you least want it to and slows when you need it to hurry up. Past moments lived once never to be repeated. For instance, this is a picture of me after playing with my daughter, husband, mother-n-law and a good friend who will be moving away. Our friend had bought confetti eggs for Easter but we couldn’t use them because our friend, who died a few days later, was in the hospital. Well, it was time to honor him by chasing each other around the yard cracking eggs on our heads. You never quite grasp how special a moment is during the moment. I believe understanding how our memories work is the beginning to understanding what it means to be happy.
The same mind that learns and understands language and math is the same mind that remembers important events well enough to play them back like a movie when we close our eyes. They are the important bits and pieces we have collected in our living memory box. I have stuffed my memory box to full-capacity over the past two years and I think it is time I sit down and sort out those memories worth keeping and those I need to let go. The above memory I will keep in honor of my friend’s life and it will also mark the day I had to say goodbye to his partner who is moving away.
You always hear the phrase, “Let the past stay in the past, move forward never look back.” Well I always assumed that meant we should let go of the bad things that are better left forgotten. But I am starting to think some of the good memories should be left in the past as well. People change and constantly bringing up how they used to be will never allow for positive future change. This is true for friendships as well as family relationships. For example, my husband and I are notorious for bringing up the fact that one or the other of us has have changed so much. We say “you’ve changed” as if it’s a bad thing. Actually it isn’t good or bad it just is. There are moments and things we loved about each other that are gone and live in the past. They are great memories and that’s where we need to leave them. We have been together 22 years; do we really want to live with an unchanging partner our whole lives? We need to remember the great memories fondly and look forward to creating new memories in our ever-changing lives together.
Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.~Buddha
As I was thinking about these things last night I realized taking inventory of our memories, classifying them, and putting them in their rightful spot is an important task often overlooked. I need to understand that painful memories can be laid to rest. They can only cause me future pain if I allow them to. I need to understand that the beautiful memories are there to remind me of how great life is and that there is hope for more beautiful memories to be made! I will remember the days filled with confetti with joy and hope for more confetti filled days in the future.
It’s being here now that’s important. There’s no past and there’s no future. Time is a very misleading thing. All there is ever, is the now. We can gain experience from the past, but we can’t relive it; and we can hope for the future, but we don’t know if there is one.~ George Harrison