YOU WILL BREAK… over and over again

Zumba class used to be my happy place. Several times a week I would walk into this class and I’d forget about all the hard things in my life. Fun music, people sweating and laughing. We literally looked like we had taken a group shower when we were done. It felt so good. The instructor…

CHAOTIC WORRY

I found calm Steady breath A place where The quiet feels… Composed But what if I’m in the eye Of the storm? What if chaos Has just settled Like sand does Waiting for the heat To clash with the cold Inside my brain What if his screams What if his anger What if their words…

THE IN CROWD

I look around at all the people who have made me feel unimportant and the crowd never gets smaller. And it never will. They have taken my smiles and put them in a pocket stuffed with their crumpled up receipts and mostly chewed gum wads. They’ve stolen my words and my deeds and gave them…

MENTAL ENERGY

I decided a few things. Settled a few things about myself I’d been struggling with. Mainly little things that have caused far too much anxiety. So… I let go. I let go of all the hopes and dreams and opened a mental bank account for the energy I spent on them. I’ll use that energy…

THAT PLACE

You know that place where The nights fall And the days get buried The place where Rivers run Rainbows fade And breezes fall silent That’s the place I need to find So I can rest Far away From this place

IT DOESN’T

It doesn’t matter It doesn’t compute It doesn’t work It doesn’t want to keep Fighting the same fight Listening to the same lies It doesn’t want to exist In this one moment It doesn’t want to think It doesn’t want to work It doesn’t want to be

DISTORTED

So many colors Melt into my eyes Absorbing the light And transforming it Distorting it Then transporting it Into bundles Small and nondescript Barely noticeable Into the universe Of black and white

IN A ROOM

I forget how depression feels sometimes.  That’s dangerous.  To forget isn’t an option.  I have to remind myself how sneaky and insidious it is.  I must remember what it felt like to be its prisoner.  Depression as a room and me held captive against my will.  I am so grateful to have escaped this room……

ACROSS THE SLEEPING

I wish we didn’t need sleep but we do. I’m starting to feel age creeping into my bones and my brain and now more than ever I’m realizing how important a clear and stable mind sleep is. Brittle bones Trapped In a bag of flesh Fat dissolving Organs hardening Brain short Short Short-circuiting Life deteriorating…