THE DIRT SHIFTS

#OctPoWriMo2018 I am dedicating October to the reason I started my blog.  Depression.  It’s the scariest thing I have ever had to deal with.  It is still the scariest thing I have to deal with. Depression is a constant.  It will never go away.  It snuck up on me.  I was always anxious but depression……

HE SAID SHE SAID

Where are you now That the ink smeared Itself across the page Blurring black and white Hiding motivations Condemning intentions Dividing all endeavors For dignity and respect Where are you now That the exposure Has us frostbitten Naked and scarred Everything given up Bared and sacrificed Once again Once again Once again And no more…

YOU’RE STILL HERE

My jaw clenches My fingernails Yearn to scratch At layers of skin My joints ache Rigidity laced Stand like a statue Hold still, hold still Breathe in slow Hold… maybe Forever if you can Fix your stare On a calmer future Moments past this Tick tick tick Final loud tock Exhale Open your eyes Look…

ISOLATION

When I experienced bad bouts of anxiety and depression I would isolate.  I still do.  Avoid socializing.  Avoid commitment.  Avoid stimulation.  I would escape into my own head and look for comfort there.  But I would never find it. When someone with depression reaches out to talk and they are scolded or told to just…

DEADLY ESCAPISM

It’s been awhile since I’ve had the time to blog.  You get divorced, become a single parent, and the whole world changes.  BUT I feel I finally have things pulled together enough to come back.  I miss you!   I started a YOUTUBE channel where I basically just read my poetry.  So much harder than…

IMPULSES

They lie static without Tethered to wanting Refraining from light The length grows wide And steps grow dark As they run into eyes That can’t see anymore As they slump under And fall into holes That were never dug Just born from life Having been betrayed Where revenge lurks And storms grow Into electrical impulses

HOPELESS

The curve winds around Like a snake that slithers Underneath my veins I can’t feel the motion Or understand why It’s wrapping itself Around my everyday But it’s dragging me From my focus And pulling me From my slumber Waiting inside my joints Trying to convince me It’s all hopeless