The electricity flows
Through skin and bone
Anxiety restless
A pacing back and forth
How do I look?
Examines body
Fusses over face
How do I sound?
Practices hello
I’m so happy to meet you
Smile and smile again
Laugh small
Make sure it reaches
Your mascara eyes
Practice makes perfect
Remember
People are drawn
To happy
Don’t you dare cry
Not tonight
Not again
You’ll ruin everything
Here take a drink
Take the whole bottle
You’ll be fine
The burn feels good
Warm belly
Slow breath
Calm nerves
You’re amazing
You’re beautiful
People will love
This version of you
This made up person
That isn’t at all like you
**I miss her sometimes.
The way she smiled at everything and laughed if only to keep from crying. She was an AMAZING pretender. She was genuine with her love but not with her pain. She wasn’t selfish and gave whatever was needed.
When I start missing her I remind myself of how the pretending made her drink too much. How the pain would spill out when she drank. How depressed she became and how exhausted trying to seem happy was.
She was more fun. She was more glam and less granny panty. She was more fit. But she was heartache.
In the end who she was and who I am now weren’t compatible. Only one me would survive and granny panties rule.
HASTYWORDS 
The song to go with this is obvious, so here’s Freddy, pretending:
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Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
HASTY – Pretending no more
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Expressed in these words is much pain
Insomnia and deprivement of sleep
At night you can’t have a good rest
Feel defenseless as darkness creeps.
Deep in these words, there’s also hope
a better tomorrow, better days to come
Keep fighting because you are strong
sleeping at night will get easier I promise
soon, you’ll feel sleeping like a newborn.
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Pretending to be something you’re not
is like throwing firewood to depression
you can simulate and feel a little better
but, can we know what is the extension?
being real with ourselves & trust our gut
depression tries to put it in suppression
by being real with ourselves to the core
seeking joy could be the way to ascension.
Note: This is the correct one. Sorry…
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Hi. Happy that you are continuing to grow. They say hindsight is 20/20 – but if we continue to look over our shoulder at the places we’ve been, we might lose sight of where we’re going. I hope that you have a wonderful future ahead of you, 2.0.
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