Can inconsistency be a trauma?
The way he said he loved me
The way his eyes devoured me
How his hands moved over me
I remember feeling so high
Destination cloud nine please
He did everything right
Made me lemon squares
Opened my doors for me
Dressed up to take me out
“Let’s just drive around
I don’t want to share you”
Sincere smile
Holds my hand
I totally believed him…his lies
I look back now
And I can’t reconcile
The person he was
With the person he became
His intention was rape and
The last door he opened
Landed me on the ground
Dumped like a bin for trash day
And… he was gone
Mostly
He still visits me
Everytime someone compliments me
Everytime I catch inconsistecy
My heart pumps adrenaline
Fearing the very worst
Not one part of me can handle
That kind if inconsistency again
And I have had to repeat
a million times or more
not everyone is him
Healing is a journey. There isn’t a place where you’ll be able to stop and say “Hey look I made it. I’m done.”
Once there is trauma it is with you forever. But just like a physical scar an emotional one can become smoother and lighter. The trauma of a loved one dying. The trauma of abuse. The trauma of a disaster. The trauma of disease.
I read a post the other day that upset me quite a bit. The man said (of a young girls trauma) how absurd and ridiculous her suicide was since she had only been raped a few times. How she should have been able to get over that and that he would have gladly traded places and been raped a dozen times over instead of what he was currently going through.
I don’t know what his current situation is. I won’t assume. But we can’t compare traumas between us. We are all healing from something. All of us. And there is no “getting over” trauma.
We can learn to cope. We can learn to not hurt others. But trauma is unpredictable. There is no “getting over” trauma.
HASTYWORDS 
Indeed, trauma leaves a permanent mark and makes it so hard sometimes to remember that everyone is not him, her, them.
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Reblogged this on cabbagesandkings524 and commented:
Hasty – Healing is not “getting over”.
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My heart goes out to you for having such an horrific experience!
And that other blogger kind of makes me speechless. His awful comments, his lack of awareness is tragic.
Thank you for sharing this.
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I actually edited his comment because his actual words were far worse. I noticed later he had realized how horrific he was being. Several rape victims commented on his thoughts.
Sometimes I wonder if these shocking comments aren’t meant to fish for vulnerable people. “Oh hey guys I’m sorry… I see now… thank you for helping me”. Of course I have to work hard to not see every man I don’t know as a predator.
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Wow. Really?
Yes, it’s hard not to wonder about motivation, as it is so shocking.
It’s perfectly understandable you would feel that way…the way the cyber world is, it pays to be cautious anyway, but after your experience, that’s a whole other level, and I really feel for you. But it makes my blood boil as well, when I hear stories of predators on WP. So sad!
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Thank you for writing something so raw and real. I’m sorry you had to go through what you went through. I understand what narcissism and antisocial personality disorder is, but I still can’t comprehend how someone can act like they care so deeply only to do something so horrible to another. I wish you the very best on your healing journey. You deserve it.
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It’s one of my fears every time I meet someone new. Are you really who you say you are? I’m always looking for the dark side of someone.
Fortunately, I’ve only met a handful.
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Same here! I know what you mean though. At best, someone might love bomb you then ghost but at worst it can become very dark & you get assaulted. I had a work friend get to know me over 3 months so by that point I really trusted him & he drugged my drink & assaulted me. It wasn’t the last time someone did that, but it hurt more bc I thought I knew him.
I’m glad that as you say, it’s only a select few people who are truly evil like that.
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I hate hearing stories like this. Like they exist at all. I’m terribly sorry you’ve experienced this too.
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❤️
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