Written by: Sarah Fader

Author of Old School/New School Mom

Inside my body I ache

The door is open

I stand

outside of it

The cool draft comes fast

faster

I feel it

I don’t know

how to make it stop

make it stop

I can’t

make it stop

the wind is so cold

it stings as the tears stick to my face

you said you would meet me on the corner

I waited for hours

and you never came

but I held hope that

every minute

every second

you would meet me there

you said you would take me

you said we would go away together

I…

I believed you

but you never came

I am still standing here because

it is cold and I don’t want to go inside

I don’t want to see your face in my head anymore

but it’s still there

because you haunt me

I wanted you

to

love me

I thought

if I stood here

there

anywhere

long enough

you would come

and then

we’d be together

and

I would be loved but

I was so wrong

wrong about you

wrong about me

and wrong about what happened

so it’s time for me to go

I’m sorry

I need to go inside and

wash my face

I need to lay down

put the blanket over my body

and rest for a while

I hope wherever you are

you are safe

because I will

always

love you.

---

Sarah Fader recently released a collection of her essays from around
the Internet and you already love her because you read this article
and you want to buy her book.
http://amzn.to/1RgBeZa

Sarah is the CEO and Founder of Stigma Fighters, a non-profit organization
that encourages individuals with mental illness to share their
personal stories. She is an author and blogger, having been featured
on Psychology Today, The Huffington Post, HuffPost Live, and Good day
New York.

Sarah is a native New Yorker who enjoys naps, talking to strangers,
and caring for her two small humans and two average-sized cats. Like
six million other Americans, Sarah lives with panic disorder. Through
Stigma Fighters, Sarah hopes to change the world, one mental health
stigma at a time.