Today’s #BeReal guest is Accidentally Reflective.
So far we have had images of people to go along with each post but today our guest will remain anonymous. This does not make her any less real. Perhaps it allows her to be even more real.
Hasty Words asked this question recently as part of her inspiring #BeReal campaign, along with asking me to write a little more about myself to give an idea of who I am and what I experience offline when it comes to people viewing me or a photo image of me…
I choose to remain anonymous and have no personal image of myself on social media. I made this decision for a reason. I didn’t want anyone to make any assumptions or to judge me based on what I look like. I wanted to instead have people connect with me for who I am.
To read what I have to say literally and not read between the lines based on my image.
I don’t know what people imagine I look like or what they think my background is.
In ‘real’ life, I am a confident woman of petite build with some obligatory mummy bulges. I like to dress in a classic way. I don’t buy fashionable or ‘in season’ things; mostly a plain palette that is classic and timeless that can be dressed down or up for years ahead. I do have funky taste though, so will use these timeless clothes and wear something ‘different’ with an outfit so that it always looks original.
I cannot stand to look like anyone else. If I see someone I know wearing the same clothes as me, I will never wear them again. I just can’t.
Being original and different is important to me. I don’t ever want to follow the crowd. Ever.
At college all the girls wore black, had long, silky, straightened hair and wore tons of makeup. I chose to cut my hair very short, wear dungarees with trainers (sneakers) and wear no makeup.
The thought of being stereotyped or grouped with a bunch of people I didn’t relate to was unthinkable. I wanted people to see that I had a personality and that I was different, with something new to say.
I have never worn a lot of make up, because I would be embarrassed if I were seen without it, especially when everyone is used to seeing an enhanced, distorted version of me. I do wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick (on dress up days), but nothing else. When it comes to ‘beautifying ‘myself, I don’t think I could ever ‘contour’ my face, maybe because I am scared I may like that version more and then not like myself as much. And I want to continue to be happy with who I am. I may not be perfect, but I am grateful for what I have.
I have never worn a push up bra, again because I firmly believe in ‘what you see is what you get’.
No surprises. Just me. Real.
That way, there are no issues. Everyone knows what to expect and I am always happy with what I have, not the ‘improved’ version of myself.
Being natural and myself is important to me, though this doesn’t mean I don’t wash or scrub up!
I take pride in my appearance; I look after myself but never to the extent that if someone were to see me first thing in the morning they would be shocked and not know where to look (!)
I believe in being grateful for what you have and embracing it. Making the most of your existing assets and not trying to be someone you’re not and never will be.
Accepting yourself and allowing people to accept you is hugely important to me.
When you are comfortable in your own skin and with they way you look, people are less likely to comment and upset you.
Life should not revolve around the way you look. There is so much more to it. So much more depth.
Girls are raised to view their bodies as an thing-to-be-looked-at that they have to constantly work on and perfect for the adoration of others, while boys are raised to think of their bodies as tools to use to master their surroundings. We need to flip the script and enjoy our bodies as the physical marvels they are. We should be thinking of our bodies, as bodies! As a vehicle that moves us through the world; as a site of physical power; as the physical extension of our being in the world. We should be climbing things, leaping over things, pushing and pulling things, shaking things, dancing frantically, even if people are looking. Daily rituals of spontaneous physical activity and thanks for movement are the surest way to bring about a personal paradigm shift from viewing our bodies as objects to viewing our bodies as tools to enact our subjectivity.
– Caroline Heldman PHD
When people meet me, they notice a different, slightly quirky individual, who isn’t afraid to speak up and be herself. Some people have mentioned it is ‘refreshing’.
If someone were to see an image of me, I’m not sure they would see my personality and what I have to give. They may not see that we could have similar tastes, values and ideas. I think in this day and age and going by the stereotypes we read about, they probably would judge me. They might assume that the choices I make may not be my own.
When I started writing and came on to social media, I wanted to force people to look deeper. Make a connection with the real me, rather than take one look at me and not take what I have to say as seriously.
I wanted them to know nothing about my exterior and more about my interior.
And it has worked. I have made connections, met people I get on with and can laugh with. I’m not sure what they really think about me. I do feel guilty at times, because I know so much about them and can at least vision them. I have the whole picture and they don’t. But for now, I’d like to keep it this way.
My image is a small percentage of what makes me who I am. I don’t need the validation or the judgment. Plus I don’t take compliments too well and I hate when a situation arises and it may ‘look’ like I am asking for them (another reason not to upload photos of myself).
My behavior, my character and integrity are what matter. These are what make connections and lasting friendships. These are necessary for any relationship in life. Does what I look like matter if we understand each other and get on?
I’d like to quote poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe here when he once said:
Behaviour is the mirror in which everyone shows their image. ~Johann Wolfang von Goethe
I hope that my image is a reflection of my behaviour. I hope that I never care for it to be the other way around.
So I’m going to stick to my decision and not reveal too much. I want to continue to build relationships and make connections based on my personality alone. I want to remain honest and real without having my ‘image’ take any position in my ‘online’ life. I am taking control.
Maybe one day I will reveal myself. Until then I’ll go by philosopher Emile M. Cioran’s rule:
A golden rule: to leave an incomplete image of oneself. ~Emile M. Cioran
-AD J
Copyright 2015 © All rights reserved.
Author Bio:
AD is a mother of three children, a school Governor, a writer, blogger, health and justice champion and passionate philanthropist. She firmly believes in giving back to society.
She writes about all sorts of topics; the weird and the wonderful. The harsh and the pleasant. For life is like that don’t you think?
Follow her on twitter https://twitter.com/a_reflective
Or Like her Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Accidentally-Reflective/1463375153880305
You can read more from her at http://www.accidentallyreflective.com
Further links for reading on relevant subjects:
HASTYWORDS 
I found this very interesting. I am almost your polar opposite when it comes to physical appearance. I am vain. On the flip side of that I have a strong sense of self loathing when it comes to my appearance. (mostly my appearance, in general, I see no worth in myself otherwise)
When I see someone wearing something I love I go looking for it. I don’t mean to copy, I just see things I like and want to wear it. When my sister in law sees someone in something she likes she is afraid to get for fear of being called a copy cat but I see it as a compliment.
“Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery” I think Robert Smith said that, or at least repeated it in regard to the topic of people dressing and doing their hair the way he does.
I also practice new make up techniques. Partly because I love the look and also because I never really learned how to apply most things properly. I used to exclusively wear one brand and color of lipstick because it went with anything (I have to have my lip color and nail colors “match” or at least go well with my hair color and clothing, because of this I try to keep my hair black or platinum blonde and I have almost always stuck to a monochrome wardrobe, I feel more comfortable that way) and it stayed on for the whole day no matter what. I perfected using it but then it was discontinued. I did stock up on some from eBay right away. Now I am branching out a bit and have mostly perfected the art of lip color.
I bet you are already seeing how very different we are on this topic. I will fully admit that I know much of this if not all stems from a terrible childhood and severe self esteem issues.
I don’t just steal in regard to appearance. I also steal song lyrics, quotes, phrases and expressions I find clever and amusing and I use these in regular conversation often. If someone comments I always give credit or at least admit it is stolen when I forget where or who I stole it from.
I used to write. Constantly. I used to very much want to be a published author but poetry isn’t as popular as it was once was and that is the only writing I have ever been good at all. Writing is where I feel a serious need to be original, but I feel very much as if anything I write has already been written somewhere else. Despite this, I am still working on what can only be described as a memoir. For myself, my friends and my family. I’ve lived a beautiful, terrible and strange life and I want to tell my story. Even if it has a lot in common with many others. I struggle with proper grammar. I prefer to avoid the shift key and like to invent words or smash them together.
I envy your ability to be exactly who you are without outside influence. That seems the best way to say that. You force people to really see you and I honestly think that despite our differences in this way that we would get along quite well. You couldn’t possibly be anything short of fantastically interesting and unique.
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You should write a #BeReal for me. hastywords@gmail.com
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Oh. Well I have only been able to read a few so I am not sure what you are looking for. A specific topic???
you can email me
kaleidegirl@gmail.com
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I just created a submissions page here on my blog. Click and decide what you might like to write about 🙂
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Wow Kaleidegirl! You sound equally interesting and unique. You’re inspired by other people’s outfits and lyrics, but you are confident enough to give credit where credit is due. So many people are incapable of doing that.
And it’s not a great thing when someone wears your favourite dress and you don’t want to wear it again!
I think you write incredibly well. You should definitely do a BEREAL post.
I’d love to get to know more of you.
Thank you so much for commenting. I love that you are my polar opposite.
Though I really do hope you start loving yourself more and giving credit to yourself where it is due. You seem like such an kind, honest and sincere person and those are the kind of people we need more of in this world. xx
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You are so kind!
I am having a rough time of it right now so your reply is very welcome and needed.
I did submit a #BeReal post but I worry it wasn’t worth putting up or was too long. I could write on the same topic every day and each one would be very different. The bipolar seems the most likely reason for that. If she asks I will gladly try again.think we need more people like you in the world. we have plenty of sheep.
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I’m really sorry to read that. I hope things start looking up for you very very soon.
You exude warmth which is so inspiring and a trait that I aspire to and would love to have all of the time!
I’m sure Hasty will love your post. It takes a while to publish because she has been inundated with them.
I’ll definitely look out for it. I couldn’t find a follow button on your blog – not sure why?
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I was sure she had a lot of submissions to deal with but still worry mine is at least too long if not too much off topic.
I’m up in the middle of the night unable to sleep because of a scary drs appt in the morning. i am hoping for the best but also tried to prepare for the worst. mainly for my daughters sake.
it is weird you can’t find the follow button. i have several followers so i know it is there somewhere.
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I just saw your message. I hope you’re ok and the doctor’s appointment went well.
Don’t worry about the submission, I wrote mine in July and it was just published – she has had so many, she couldn’t get around to it.
My fingers are crossed you’re well and the doctor didn’t worry you further. x
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I added a widget, maybe that will be easier to find.
feel free to email me kaleidegirl@gmail.com
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Followed via email!
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I have met people that are beautiful on the outside and within an hour of speaking with them they have become ugly. I have met people that are not that ” attractive” – knowing that my attractive and everyone else’s perspective is totally different- and then when you get to know them they become beautiful. I am just all for show the world what you have- ALL OF IT, you are the only one that needs to be okay with the whole. Only you. We are all so worried about what everyone else thinks, how they will judge us, what image they hold of us- in doing this we are not the whole of who we are. Just my opinion, my thoughts.
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We are like kaleidoscopes. We are not seen the same in any moment by every eye. We are fluidly changing images and the only real part of our image is how the beholder holds on to it. And yes our personalities are the ultimate standard of beauty. I love your comment. Thank you so much!
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i chose my user name for pretty much that exact sentiment and idea. i see myself as ever changing just without all the color.
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Yes you’re right. Be yourself, every inch of yourself. Don’t let anyone let you feel like you are not good enough.
My main advice: stop looking at beauty magazines and pics of photoshopped models – that never helps anyone;s self esteem.
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Reblogged this on accidentallyreflective and commented:
Hasty Words asked this question recently as part of her inspiring #BeReal campaign, along with asking me to write a little more about myself to give an idea of who I am and what I experience offline when it comes to people viewing me or a photo image of me…
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i’ve struggle and destroyed while walking with pain an love throughout life, nonetheless, would not!
Change but a moment, i am me!
chris
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i should add within the rules, an a little out of what society has created…
Which is all good, because the real me would wander back and forth of the line made by humanity…
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