#BeReal – SARAH FADER

/ July 24, 2015

My #BeReal guest today is Sarah Fader.

Sarah runs a worthwhile non-profit called Stigma Fighters.  She fights stereotypes about mental illness, a cause I am very passionate about.

Real people struggle everyday because of the misconceptions surrounding people with mental health issues. Sarah is only one of thousands of people who are coming out of the mental illness closet to help break the stigmas we face.

I relate to Sarah when she talks about depression. I feel connected in her hope that tomorrow will be better for people like us.

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My amazing friend Hasty Words asked me to write a blog post about being real. I wanted to write something compelling. I wanted to inspire people with words. As always, I wanted to help people. Only, depression has silenced me. It’s put duct tape over my mouth and made it so I can’t use my words. I want to scream, punch a wall, stomp my feet, sing, dance and play, but I can’t do any of those things. I even want the tears to roll down my face, but my face is made of cement and the hard rocks are spreading into my chest cavity.

I try to spout out words. My skin itches. I want to speak so badly, but I can’t, I won’t. It is this big black monster that tackles me to the ground. It makes me feel as small as an ant. It tells me that I shouldn’t even try.

You are worth less than the spit on the sidewalk

Who do you think you’re fooling with your fake heart.

You pretend to care

Everyone will see through you sooner or later

These are the things it says to me.

I go on anyway. I live my life with a dark grey cloud hovering over my head like an albatross. It is my personal burden that is entirely invisible to everyone else.

Except…

it isn’t.

If you look closely you can see the hurt in my eyes. If you inspect further you can see that I am trying (unsuccessfully) to focus on what you’re saying to me, but inside I am breaking.

So this is my reality.

I’m a great actress, except when the curtain is falling on my body and I can’t get up.
How many more of me are there out there?

#BeReal

FB Profile-1 Sarah Fader is the flavor vanilla with something unusual in it – like gummy bears, because she’s sometimes extroverted and wants everybody to like her, but some folks are like “wait a minute, this vanilla ice cream has gummy bears in it?! That’s weird. I don’t know about that…” Other people love that this particular ice cream has gummy bears in it, because it makes it more interesting and special. Oh, and she writes for HuffPost was on Good Day NY, has her own column on Psychology Today called Panic life, and runs a non-profit for mental health called Stigma Fighters www.stigmafighters.com 

She is the editor of The Stigma Fighters Anthology which features essays from real people living with mental illness from around the world.

Follow her @osnsmom on Twitter.

If you like the idea of the #BeReal campaign, and want to share your views on it, please link up with us. You can help make this a bigger, brighter movement than it already is.

All opinions welcome – it’s about being real, after all!

To help spread the message, read and share one another’s posts.

And remember – be YOU! #BeReal.

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16 thoughts on “#BeReal – SARAH FADER”

  1. 27 years ago I took 350 rohypnol – and survived. I now have a glorious 14 year old daughter and a man who loves me – but…There has not been a day in 27 years that has been easy…

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  2. I completely understand. I let that monster tackle me, and somehow despite trying, I’m still here, and able to read this. Depression sucks balls, sweaty hairy smelly unwashed drooping balls. Makes me want to punch it. The battle is never ending. I’m glad you’re strong and able to fight back.

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  3. it is a battle, but a battle in the end that is worth the fight – no matter how hairy and revolting the balls are …. once they are clean shaved and shiney – all is well for a while – and to have people around that are gentle when needed and are prepared to kick my sweet little ass when required helps too – I am in the end, glad of who i am – glad of the things that i have seen and done – no regrets – no what ifs….

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      • I realized, after I did my morbidly self-pitying comment, that none of you would consider me to be in any way a bad person. The author of that missing post decided to focus on the one part of the comment I made in a way that it was never intended to be taken. You all know me. I pour my art and my heart out here too. I probably put more thoughts into posts and comments I do on the SisterWives than on my own blog… so just forget I said anything… and I love you too.

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  6. “my face is made of cement and the hard rocks are spreading into my chest cavity”
    This.
    Shit.
    😦 Great post – very needed. Very compelling, awful Real. Thanks Sarah for your courage.

    That said, it’s easy to fall on your sword when all you want to do is bleed out.

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  8. Pingback: #BeReal – TOM PETTY AND THE HEARTBREAKERS | hastywords

  9. Depression is a lying piece of shit. All those mean things it says to us. Lies, all of them.
    It’s so easy to believe the lies, though, when they’re suffocating you, and you can’t hear the truth.
    I have Hasty and Lizzi to remind me who I am, when that happens.

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  10. Thanks to the #BeReal series I was finally able to tell my mom that she is suffering from depression and we had a very good talk. One of my sisters is clinically diagnosed with schizophrenia and that’s what sparked the discussion. I know too well about mental illness and depression in particular. Thank you, Hasty, for bringing this series into being. 🙂
    Just, really wanting to take my post back now. LOL. Way too many good posts here. 🙂

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