A BULLY INSIDE

/ April 9, 2015

I am so very excited to share my guest today. “Little Dude” and his mother, Samara who writes A Buick in the Land of Lexus, are two of the smartest people I know. I have had the wonderful pleasure of seeing snippets of their life, how they interact, and how they love each other and I am blessed by them. He will surely hijack your heart here.

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A BULLY INSIDE by Little Dude

Today, bullying has become a major part of school life. It should have never become this way. It affects the lives of too many children of our world. Bullies themselves have felt bullied, either physically or emotionally, and victims of bullying usually go on to become even worse bullies themselves. Many bullies have become the way they are due to isolation, neglect, or just being labeled by others as “different.” A bully can be created from something so small, such as wanting attention. To my surprise, it turns out that I actually know someone who has become a terrible bully.

Five years ago, my playmate Kylie was my best friend. Every day of kindergarten seemed like another game of giggles and smiles. She was a girly girl who liked clothes and accessories, but she was also a tomboy. That was just her. She ran and climbed and played all the same games with me. We would hide in our cubbies and peel our string cheese together at lunch. Of course came the boring part – learning in school. Thankfully we didn’t have too much of that in Kindergarten. It’s finger painting with chocolate pudding, not rocket science. All in all, we were just two best friends at school.

We really had hit it off, so we had several play dates together. I remember our first play date, when my mom got us each kits with piggy banks to decorate. We painted our piggy banks. Then we ran around the house, playing hide and seek and just acting silly. My mom made lunch for us, and she served us Gluten Free Chicken Nuggets. To this day we still laugh about this, because Kylie bit into hers and squealed “EWWWWW!” I told Kylie, “Oh, keep eating them! They get even MORE disgusting!”

This was in kindergarten, and now I’m in fifth grade. We now go to different schools, so I haven’t seen her since a party another child threw at the end of kindergarten. I heard from my mom that she got really into surfing. I have always just thought of her as the little girl I used to play with in kindergarten. I know that next year I will be in the same middle school as her, and I was looking forward to it. At least, I was – until what I heard about her.

At my Hebrew school, I was talking to some other students and heard that Rachel, a classmate, goes to the same school that Kylie does. I asked her, “Do you know a girl named Kylie? We used to play in kindergarten.” The girl thought for a minute, and then said, “K-k-ylie, Kylie S?” I answered back that she was correct. Rachel cringed. She explained to me that Kylie had become a bully. A really bad one, too. She has become a “mean girl” and girls are afraid of her. I couldn’t believe what I heard. The harmless girl I used to play with was hurting other children. Rachel went on in detail, describing Kylie’s fist fights, name calling. She even has a posse of girls who follow her around, imitating everything she does. Targeting and bullying random girls.

I was just in shock…

What has happened to my best friend from kindergarten? I can’t imagine what has happened to make her this way. I am curious to see what will happen in middle school. We always said, and so did our moms, that we would meet up again and be good friends in middle school. But how can I be friends with someone like that? When I come across the new Kylie, can I help bring her back to her old self? How will I feel if I see her and her “mean girls” picking on some of the girls I have become friends with these last few years? How do you even talk to someone about what they are doing, and how wrong it is?

I was looking forward to seeing her again in middle school, but I want to be friends with the old Kylie, the girl who laughed constantly and played tag and climbed monkey bars with me. I have learned over the years that bullying is just wrong. Period. I really just hope Kylie isn’t as much of a bully as she is made out to be. Maybe she’s been going through some stuff and seeing an old friend will help her remember who she used to be. Maybe, just maybe, she’ll be my friend and she’ll turn back into the old Kylie. I really hope so. Not just for the sake of the kids she picks on.

For her own sake.

FullSizeRenderBIO: When Little Dude isn’t being a fifth grader, he’s a Space Pirate from another galaxy. He lives with the coolest Mom around, but only because she made me say that.

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71 thoughts on “A BULLY INSIDE”

  3. Little Dude, if you’re reading this, you give me hope for the future. I already knew you were really smart (cause I know your mom) but you are a sensitive and insightful person as well. I hope you can reconnect with Kylie. And I hope (if she is in fact a bully) that you’ll have a chance to talk to her about it in a caring way. Maybe she’ll open up to you since you knew her when she was young. If she doesn’t respond in a positive way, maybe you can let her know that you’re always willing to listen if she needs someone to talk to. You have an amazing mom (but I’m pretty sure you already knew that) and I am so glad you shared your story with us. Real talk, dude. *or whatever the cool kids say these days*

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    • Little dude speaking.
      Thank you so much Gretchen, I appreciate your comment. Thank you for the advice, I’m very thankful for the time you took to write it.

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    • Little dude speaking.
      Thank you so much to take time out of your day to read this post, Beth, and thank you for your very endearing comment.
      P.S. – Good luck on your book, Mom and I are both very proud of you.

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  6. This simultaneously broke and inspired my heart. “Little Dude” is already on his way to becoming a larger-than-life man of thoughtfulness and principle. If this is the kind of child you’re raising, Samara, you need to have more babies. I’m pretty sure there’d be no shortage of volunteers 😉

    Seriously, though: What a wonderful perspective and sense of principle he has. I don’t normally wear hats, and now I know why — because it’s off to you both 😉

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  7. Darling boy, your huge heart and your compassionate soul do you proud. I am so pleased that you wrote for Hasty – you did a beautiful job, and I was very sad to read about your friend from Kindergarten. I really hope that when she sees you, she wants to take up that friendship again, and that it brings her back to that time of peace and fun.

    I hope that you maintain a realistic view, as you have so far, of what the circumstances might be. I really, REALLY like that you’re not judging her based on what others have said, but that you are prepared to wait and see for yourself what she’s like, and that you want to be a friend to her, not just dismiss her out of hand.

    I hope you get that chance, and I hope it all works out okay.

    Keep being awesome xXx

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  8. You DO have the coolest Mom around, and she has the coolest son (don’t tell mine that I just said that.) And…do you like older girls? I have a 12 year old 😉 I’m glad there are going to be good men in the world like you!

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  9. WOW. That was SO well written!!! I cannot believe a fifth grader wrote those words!! You have such a gifted son, Samara!! And what a heart, oh precious Little Dude- you hold on to that beautiful heart of yours!! I really hope You can help Kylie when you see her!! Your insight and wisdom is well beyond your years, young man. What a gift you are!! Um, so in about say 8-10 years, I have someone I’d like you to meet okay? 😉 She’s just as kind-hearted and wise as you. And if I don’t say so myself, quite beautiful.

    (Samara… we have a MATCH. Deal?)

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  10. Go, Little Dude! Excellent piece. I love how you considered that maybe she is going through something rough in her life and that maybe that is why she is doing what she is doing. Having that empathy for others is so important and the lack of it is what often times leads to bullying. That you have hope that she will change and that you might be able to help her is also very admirable. You could have easily written her off all together based on what you heard about her but you chose to give her the benefit of the doubt. WOW! You are one special person. 🙂 🙂 🙂

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  12. My 15 year old son, just read this and he wants “The Little Dude” to know that he has had this happen to him. There was a challenge for him transitioning from elementary school to High School.

    Also he was wondering if he could use this piece for a project he is working on in his Grade 9 Socials Studies class?

    Samara, be very proud of your beautiful boy, this warmed my heart!

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  13. Pingback: A BULLY INSIDE « A Buick in the Land of Lexus

    • Well, I am glad my brain is above my shoulder, sometimes my mom says it’s in my butt, but whatever. Thank you for your time and effort.
      -Little Dude.

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  15. What a wonderfully smart and compassionate person Little Dude is! Samara, you are doing an amazing job as a mama (and blogger)! Thank you for sharing this post, Hastywords. You too are one of my favorite writers!

    Little Dude’s insight into bullying, the causes and the result that victims often becoming bullies themselves, reads as if written by a person much older. He is a wise 11-year old. I truly hope his kindness and friendship can change his old friend’s bullying ways. I have no doubt he will be able to describe, as he has done here, the harmful effects her behavior and actions are having on others. Regardless of how Kylie chooses to behave, I am so glad that such a kind, smart child is willing to try to stop bullying. Thank you for for this post, Little Dude. You are awesome!

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    • Well, thank you for calling me a “wonderfully smart and compassionate person”.
      Thank you for telling kindly of my writing, I bet yours is wonderful too.
      -Thank you, Little dude.

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  16. Reblogged this on Gypsy Rue and commented:
    The 11-year old son of Samara, an amazing blogger and mama who writes at A Buick in the Land of Lexus, shares his insights into bullying in this post. Hastywords, another amazing blogger who knows Samara and her Little Dude, was kind enough to share his writing here on her blog. It will bring tears to your eyes, and give you hope that our own children, and definitely Little Dude, will bring a stop to the bullying that is so prevalent in schools and the rest of society. Thanks to Little Dude for his insight and compassion!

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  18. You know what’s fantastic about this? Everything. What a great head you have on your shoulders, Little Dude. I have a son exactly your age and I can hear a lot of him in your words. I’m proud of you all the way from here for your insight, sad that you seem to have lost your best friend from Kindergarten, and hopeful that you can help make a difference in her life if you get the chance and bring back the old Kylie who is probably in there…and hurting. Wonderful writing and incredible insight. Your mom is always proud of you but I bet right now she’s about to bust!

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  19. What a great post and a great kid. It’s funny how the young absorb things when you think they’re not even listening. To read his thoughts on such a hot-button, and pervasive issue gives me hope for his generation.

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  20. Lord Almighty. I’ve always been in awe of you, Samara. And now I’m in awe of your kid. Is that generational awe?
    Thank you for giving him a platform, Hasty. This blessed my heart today.

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  21. Juan Pablo! My favorite little dude, you give me hope for the new generation! Keep being thoughtful and keep writing! You are a talented young man, if I can give you any advice at all it is to continue to be true to yourself and true to these thoughts. Great job JP, your mom is raising you well!

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  22. Amazing. First of all, this little man’s words and understanding, but secondly the change in Kylie. What on earth could have happened?

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  26. The fact that you’re already thinking about this- about bullying and why people do it and how you can maybe help your friend, well, that’s just awesome. Maybe Rachel was wrong. Maybe it was something more complicated than she could understand or explain. Either way, keep thinking deep thoughts and writing about them. You might be able to help someone else with your insights, whether Kylie or Rachel or someone you’ll never even meet. You rock.
    (P.S. Samara and Hasty both rock, too. Really. We all need a safe place to have a voice and you both made it happen for Little Dude. Awesomeness.)

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  27. I’m full of emotion reading this. Little Dude has me feeling hope for our future. I am in awe of his compassion for Kylie, where he can come to grasp that there is possibly something that is making her do this. Samara, you are raising a wonderful little man, and I do hope that Kylie maybe just needs to have a good friend like Little Dude back in her life and her path can be changed for the better.
    This was such a great idea to open your blog for this, Hasty!! ~ Paula

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  28. Hi there. I hope you are able to coax the Kylie that you knew back to her five year old self, but wiser. I also don’t know what made her a bully. Thank you Samara and Hasty for this post.

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  29. Awesome post.

    Remember, though, Little Dude…you can’t make someone change. You can encourage it, but they have to choose it. Don’t hold yourself responsible if your friend doesn’t make the choices that would enable you to be friends again, ok? By offering her understanding, empathy, and compassion, you’re doing a fantastic thing, and are on your way to being a wonderful adult.

    I hope all goes well.

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  30. I love each and every bit of this post. As a mama myself, I’m sitting here with tears in my heart and tons of love in my heart.

    Little Dude: you have a huge heart and a wise, old soul. I can’t think of a better combination. And your writing – you sound wise and talented beyond your years.

    Samara: how big of a hole did this leave in your chest when your heart burst out of it!

    Hasty: Speaking of rocking mamas…I have loved seeing pics of your sweet girl on FB 🙂

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  31. Aww, this is so sweet. It’s hard to watch our childhood friends change as they grow older, sadly sometimes into people we no longer recognize. Hold onto the memories…and maybe one day, when she works through whatever issues turned her into this person, she’ll find her way back. Thanks for the great post!

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  33. What a story. Unfortunately life sometimes has a way of bringing out the worst in people, and as you said “little dude” hopefully your presence will make a positive impact on her and she’ll change for the better, or if not hopefully it’s just a phase. We never really know what people are dealing with on a personal level, life could be really rough for her, so my best advice is to be a friend and try to help her through this the best you can.

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  35. Little Dude, you are already a great writer and shared your views on this subject so well! Plus, you left me wanting to know more about the story! Will you write again after you see Kylie again?

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