FEAR WON’T WIN

/ January 26, 2015

Today I am happy to be a part of the blogging world so I can bring you the beautiful guest blogger…Beth Teliho. Read her words, and be fearless…

FLYFEAR WON’T WIN by Beth Teliho

I have a confession. Sometimes I’m scared shitless. SHIT. LESS.

I have a fiction novel publishing in a few months. The thought of that shoots ice-cold terror through my veins.

My blog was easy because even though it’s under my real name, no one knows about it except for my closest friends. Nope, not even my mother. Nor does anyone know about any of my social media accounts. I was able to build everything with total autonomy. If I failed at this writing thing, who cares? No one would know.

When I publish the book, I intend to tell my family because writing is important to me and I want them to know what I’ve accomplished. They will most certainly find out about my blog, and that’s fine. I stand by every word. But will it change how I blog moving forward? If I know my mom and aunts and uncles and cousins and my kid’s teacher and the lady who does my hair (i.e. people I have to look in the eye) *might* read it, am I still going to be authentic? Will I remain the sweary, honest, sometimes thought provoking, often inappropriate, eclectic-no-niche blogger that I am?

My fear is that it will filter me. And not just on the blog. I fear it will filter my fiction writing. Ever write a sex scene and then imagine your dad, or an aunt, or a sibling reading it? *hurl*
Yeah. Don’t do that. I received great advice from a professor once: write as if no one will ever read it.

Write FREE.

Seems easy enough. So why am I choking? I haven’t even published yet and I’m suffocating in self-doubt….

What if what if what if. What if the book sucks, fails, disappoints? What if what if what if.

A few nights ago, I was up until 4:00am, heart pounding, seriously considering quitting everything I’ve worked for. I fantasized about disappearing. Closing all my accounts: my blog, Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, Instagram…every one, and then I could just fade into the background where I’m invisible. Safe.

Then I thought, no, I’ll keep the blog and publish the book under a pseudonym.

But isn’t that what I’ve always done? Avoid the spotlight. Quit before I can be judged, compared, ridiculed or humiliated. Hide.

The next morning, with a fresh head and some perspective, I realized I’m the only one comparing and judging me. All these anxious feelings are based on fear of failure, and ultimately being insecure of who I am, and for that reason alone – if nothing else – I should do the exact opposite of what my fear is telling me to do.

I SHOULD LEAP WITH PURE ABANDON

The only way I can fail and disappoint now is if I let the fear win.

An author friend of mine said, “You’ll never experience your first book again. Have fun with it. This should be exciting!”

She’s so right. I’m incredibly fortunate to have found what I love and be able to do it. I’M A WRITER. Holy shit. That’s INSANECRAZYBEAUTIFUL.

Everyone fears vulnerability. Artists are no exception. What matters is how you react to it, so here’s how I’ll be handling fear from now on:

I’m going to let myself feel it. ONCE. Because those feelings are real and valid.

Then?

I’m gonna scream at it like I’m fucking Eminem.
 
I will kick that bitch out of my party.
 
I will dare it to stop me.
 
Spit in its face.
 
Stomp on it.
 
Conquer it.
 
KILL IT.

I’m going to own who I am and NEVER apologize for it.

I will feel the fear and do it anyway.

You think I will leap? Hell no.

Watch me…

I WILL FLY

for FB

Beth is a day-dreaming introvert who managed to acquire an amazing husband with whom she created two loud, adventurous sons. She’s a writer, artist and recovering crazy cat lady who probably doesn’t day drink at all. Her NA Paranormal/Urban Fantasy, ORDER OF SEVEN, releases spring, 2015. All the other random shiz in her brain gets unleashed on her blog, Writer B is Me, where you’re guaranteed to leave with a smile. She also proudly writes for Sisterwives Speak, where she’s a founding member and co-creator.

You can connect with Beth here:

Blog: www.bethteliho.wordpress.com
Facebook: www.facebook.com/elizabeth.teliho
Twitter: @beth_teliho
Pinterest: www.pinterest.com/bethteliho (be sure to check out her most popular board, “Who Put This Board Here?”)
Instagram: @bethteliho
Beth would share her Google + link, but she still doesn’t understand it.

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60 thoughts on “FEAR WON’T WIN”

    • I am so very lucky to know some amazing people who are willing to help me through my writing lull. This is a wonderful post and I can’t wait to read your book.

      As soon as I saw the picture I thought of my daughter. We are having some extreme difficulties with her hypochondria and it is such a challenge to help her over her fear of MOST EVERYTHING. The hardest part is not understanding how it started or why…

      And then there are things she does that seem fearless and I can’t help but think things will work out. Like for example, she is worried about everything killing her but she can try out and rehearse to be in a high school play to perform in front of 100’s of people….HOW???

      Thank you again so very much!
      xoxo

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  3. Thank you for posting this wonderful post by Beth. And Beth, I can’t wait to see you soar. You know I understand your fear, I feel it on a regular basis, but I’ve realized that I can’t let fear control me. Yesterday my daughter tried to talk her way out of a walk. “I’m afraid I’ll slip and fall” (because she has done that several times recently). “You can live your life afraid,” I said ” Or you can face those fears and really live.” Maybe that is a message to you and me as well.

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    • Thank you SO much, Lisa! I feel like I’ve found a kindred spirit in you. Your words have definitely validated my feelings lately and I am so grateful for that. I love what you said to your daughter…it’s so very true! I hate that I have to remind myself of it so often, but I guess everyone has their struggles. I choose to learn from this, and never EVER let it stop me. 🙂

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    • Mandi, you are the wind beneath my wings. *dies laughing* It’s corny and cliché, but you really do help me soar more than you know. There were days I wrote because of your undying support for this novel. Thank you for being my cheerleader, and the BIGGEST cheerleader for ORDER OF SEVEN!! I heart you to the moon and stars, chica. xo

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      • So cliche and also words that I’m not allowed to say because, not PC. Lol. *Imagines Mandi in cheerleader costume and smiles creepily. Hahaha! Whatever, I just got home from work so I’m all amped up still, sorry. Hope the book doesn’t suck in your own eyes. If you read it and say, “damn, I really like that. I’m proud of it” then it’s a great book! I will try to read it for sho!! I suck at reading books though, sorry. Where was I? Anyway, keep doing what you’re doing. My family reads my crap and I don’t give a flying fuck, but even I do censor some stuff, so you will. Just make sure it doesn’t change the message you’re trying to convey. Stay awesome!

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  5. I love the idea of stomping all over my fears or swearing at them until they cringe and shrivel up. Next time fear hits I will try it. Great advice on writing the sexual scenes, I usually avoid them as I do have a great fear of what would happen if Auntie… reads it?

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    • Thanks for reading, Maria! And yes, I encourage you to get out your mental boxing gloves and beat that living tar out of your fears! It’s quite freeing to just come unglued and get scrappy! hahaha And yeah – omg – my sex scenes still make me blush and they’re not even that risqué! I really did have to close my mind and just write what was true to my characters, readers be damned!

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  6. Good luck!! I’m all for abandon 🙂 When I hit publish, there was much sucking-in-of-air-through-teeth – people were going to Know. People I knew. They were going to read me, judge me, find me in my happy internet places where before only my nice internet friends would go… But it’s been wonderful. Happily, anyone with something negative to say hasn’t said it in my hearing/reading – and you’ll be amazed at the people piping up from the past with support and encouragement, seeing you do something you love, and that’s included family. Here’s to a brilliant launch for you!

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    • Thank you so much, Sara! I’m so happy you’ve had wonderful feedback for your writing. It really is the best thing in the world to have the support of friends/family through thick and thin.

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    • It IS satisfying to beat up the fears! They do try and pop back up, but I just bash them in the face again. hahaha it’s quite cleansing to get your knuckles a little bloody from time to time. And thanks for the support!

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  9. This was awesome… you opened up to us and we all felt it… and I really want to scream words of encouragement… but all I can think of is; Is the parent of that child in the picture up there actually encouraging their kid to risk falling off a bridge on the very remote possibility that a human being can learn how to fly between there and the water???

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  13. WRITE FREE WRITE FREE WRITE FREE WRITE FREE WRITE FREE WRITE FREE WRITE FREE

    Last year, I was having one of my epic bouts of writer’s block, and happened to be speaking with Chowderhead at the time (Remember Chowduh?). He said to me, and these were his exact words, “Blogging is selfish endeavor. So WRITE FREE!”

    Then the dam burst, and the very next thing I wrote was that crazy zany ‘Slut Mom’ post. I know it’s easier for me, because I’m anonymous. But Beth- for someone who blogs under her own name, you take some risks, girl! Scott’s right. You’re a bad ass.

    I’m so proud to have friends who actually WRITE BOOKS! You inspire me. Now put down that bi-curious man-purse and give me a hug!!

    (waves to Hasty and hugs her, too)

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  16. I AM SCREAMING RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I LOVE THIS SO ‘EFFIN’ MUCH! Seriously. I was all “Hell Yes!” with my fist in the air when I finished reading this. Don’t ever let fear silence your voice because there’s quite a lot of us out here who cherish the things that come out of your brain. I’m going to make a sign of the last bit, the part in bold, and frame it and put it right by my laptop. It’ll be my kick in the ass pep talk that I need on an almost daily basis.

    And I can not wait for your book!!! (I want to scream this in all caps too but I don’t want to be totally obnoxious) But I am so excited to read it. I may have to sign up to host my neighborhood book club after it’s out. And that is a pain in the ass, believe me. But that’s how excited I am about your book!

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  17. I’m grinning so big I swear my face is going to break!!! I love you to pieces, Gretchen! Thank you so much for your enthusiasm and support! And I’m over-the-moon that my words here will serve as inspiration. 🙂
    I can’t wait for you to get your eyes on my book…… 🙂

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  18. Fear holds me back all the time. I love reading your stuff, Beth. My favorite quote is from Michael Jordan, “The only bad shot is the shot not taken.” or some paraphrase of that.

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  21. Beth, you are just so AWESOME! You are already flying, and I can’t believe you feel fear about your writing, like us mere mortals. But I certainly understand the fear. Even though I blog openly, I don’t get too risque, but still felt so exposed when I first started. Fortunately, all the feedback I have gotten from my IRL friends and family has been wonderful and supportive. Lucky me.

    Can’t WAIT for your book, I know it will be awesome. Big hugs, Roby

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  22. ROBY!!!! Are you kidding? I feel fear about everything! I like to think we’re given struggles to be able to learn from them, though, so I try to think, “what am I supposed to learn from this experience?” < because of that, I force myself to find a way to overcome challenges, even if by pure, unabashed stubbornness! hahaha. And thank you for your kind words. You're so good to me. xoxoxo

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  24. First of all, what incredibly wonderful news!! Congrats on your upcoming book!!
    Second of all, I totally get you because, just like you, none of the people whom I look in the eye (or talk over the phone with) know about my books or my social media accounts! And, even though it’s crazy to think it’ll last, I love the freedom it gives me!!

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    • Thank you Roshni!! And yes, being a ninja blogger (as I’ve decided to term our “secret” blogging status) can be incredibly freeing. I do enjoy that aspect and it’ll suck a little to lose it….BUT, I need to learn to deal with my family reading my shiz, ya know? Who knows, maybe they won’t find out about it?!

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  25. All the best for your upcoming book! I hope you are happy with the journey – the thrill of the new idea that just had to come out, down to the endless is-it-good-enough or should-I-maybe, to agonizing over the author name. If that journey was rewarding, everything else is a bonus – at least that is the way I look at it.

    Everybody in my social circle knows about my blog and it is lovely how encouraging people are in general. So, all the best with that too, and hope it strengthens your journey as a writer.

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    • Oh I love that outlook, and thank you so much! I do think it’ll strengthen my journey as a writer. It’s been a huge learning experience so far. All of it, from writing the novel, starting a blog, editing , the enormous self publishing learning curve, my cover…..WOW! Definitely a crazy roller coaster!!! One I wouldn’t get off for anything. 🙂

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