When my husband leaves for work my daughter usually jumps in bed with me until we both wake up to begin our day. She is 10 and I never once considered telling her she is old enough to stay in her own bed because for 1 hour before each day starts I am allowed to hold and hug my daughter as she sleeps comfortably in my arms.
I will miss this the most when she leaves for college (or whatever great endeavor she will embark on). In these moments, I feel strong because I am her protector. But my worry sometimes ruins these beautiful moments. Here is how reality met my worried brain this morning.
“I love you, have a good day and drive safe!” my husband and I have a ritual every morning. I always say the same thing and I mostly always mean it. I remember my mom saying she used to say that but every time she did my dad would come home hurt so she stopped saying it because it jinxed him. I am afraid if I don’t say it I will regret it because I have always said it.
I hear rustling in the kitchen, and then little feet run into my room as my husband leaves. “Hi mom”
“Hi baby” and we cuddle up with the dog wedged between us. The dog loves to weasel her way in between two warm bodies.
Door opens then shuts and I call out “Honey?” no answer.
“Mom?” my daughter whispers.. “I am scared.”
“Hello!” I call out again with no answer.
“Hold on honey, it was just daddy leaving.” I say calmly as I grab my phone to call him.
“Hello” husband immediately answers his phone.
“Where are you?”
“In the garage”
“Did you just come in and leave again?”
“No”
“Did you just leave? Cause the door alarm sounded.”
“A few minutes ago”
“Can you come back in and look around?”
“Yes”
“Door alarm sounds and he said it must have just been me because I was getting my lunch out of the garage fridge.”
“Ok thank you…set the alarm when you leave.”
My daughter isn’t convinced. She wonders if someone came in the back door. I tell her no that we keep the doors locked but she isn’t easily convinced. She listens to the quiet a bit and finally falls asleep.
I don’t fall asleep so easily because my mind is working out that scenario.
What if someone is in the house?
What if they are waiting for me to fall asleep so they can kidnap my daughter?
What if they have been staking out the house waiting for the perfect opportunity to hurt us? After all, it happened like this to a neighbor of mine around 20 years ago.
What if it is really my husband who has become a Ray Bradbury alien?
What if it is a malicious ghost just waiting to steal our souls?
These thoughts kept me awake until the alarm clock went off.
What if?
Good grief… I need coffee.
HASTYWORDS 
Your neurosis makes my neurosis sigh in relief.
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Reblogged this on georgeforfun.
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be patient mom and pray God
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Reblogged this on paddypicasso and commented:
wisdom
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I see two of these posts… and you are all over the place today… HA!
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I always said I wouldn’t let my son sleep in my room, but when he comes in and says “I want to puddle [cuddle] you, Momma” I just can’t resist =]
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Shoulda got up and checked
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She wouldn’t let me…she wouldn’t let go…and I knew the doors were locked. They always are before I go to bed.
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Oh bless her. I would have tried to persuade her. I know for myself that I’m not good at having nagging thoughts in the back of my mind. I’ve trapped myself in the bathroom several times, thanks to the power of misappropriated imagination, thinking that I’ve heard someone come in whilst I’ve been in the shower…
Last time I ended up stalking the entire flat, buck naked, brandishing a can of air-freshener to fend off any intruders who I thought might have come in.
*sigh*
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HAHA That is also me. I knew the doors were locked but my imagination doesn’t care ;(
I used to have waking nightmares very badly. The kind where you think you are awake until something is very out of place and then you wake up except you didn’t and you are doing it again…trapped in a sequence of dreams where you are trying to wake up. Once, during one of those dreams I grabbed a pistol grip shotgun and through my living room wall…except it was just a dream…and even then I didn’t wake up.
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YES I’VE HAD ONE OF THOSE! Ohhhhhh it was AWFUL! I woke up, in the end, shaking and unable to breathe – it was one of the worst things I’ve ever experienced.
It was a ‘nested’ dream – we had a friend staying (for real) and I’d gone to my room for a nap, but I got a cough in my throat, then a tickle, and all of a sudden I couldn’t breathe, and she walked in and just stood there watching me as I choked and writhed. But then I woke up and she disappeared, but then I couldn’t breathe again, and my mum came in, and I crawled across the bed to her, seeing stars before my eyes, desperate for air, and her head turned bright pink and then I woke up. And then Husby was there, and I was choking and trying to reach for him but he just stood and watched as I started fitting and frothing because I couldn’t breathe. And then I woke up and the room was empty, and no-one was there to help me and there was no air in my lungs and my throat wouldn’t open and I couldn’t breathe and I was going to die…
And finally I REALLY woke up. And my throat felt swollen like someone had been choking me. And I couldn’t breathe properly, but I COULD breathe. And I just SAT, for about half an hour, in the other room, because I couldn’t bear to still be in bed and think that I might wake up again, choking.
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You know its very possible you werent breathing in your sleep. I know many times when our bodies need is present and awake it does its best to eake us up. That is scary
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ACKKKK that’s a terrifying thought. I wish I could have woken up sooner than I did. It was horrific.
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